I had a really nice chat with a new friend I just got to know in April. And I gotta say she is like a big sister to me. I really look up to her in many ways *looks around for any sign of her cousin* Although I only got to know her for one week but we clicked straightaway... I was initially just telling her about my internship in KPMG ytd and it went on to our own personal problems and judging from the current situation, it seems like she is the only one who knows the most about my family than any of my other friends. Not blaming u guys for not putting in any effort but I sense the fear of asking and not knowing how I might react. My friend *hint: she is in spore* also told me honestly that she was really afraid of asking but she did ask eventually after I prompted her to do so. Never be afraid to ask me stuff as I will always try my best to answer them all. Therefore, I've decided to write a little bit about what u all are dying to ask..... those closest to me might have already noticed that I hardly mention my mom and only ever do mention my dad.
Questions
1) Where is my mom?
She passed away when I was 12 in 2001 from stomach cancer. yea i know i was still so darn young. Dad remarried last year in June. I had to make a painful trip back to KL for 2 days ONLY right before my end of semester exam. Went back on Fri and flew back on Sunday. Exam was on Tues. Syok eh? btw I did quite badly for that paper on Tues. LOL
2) Were u sad and shocked?
Erm... to be honest I was too young to comprehend and understand the whole situation. To start off with, I wasn't really that close to my mom. I was closer to my dad. And frankly speaking, I was really scared of my mom because she used to scold me a lot and as a kid, I sense some degree of unevenness in the attention given. She pampered my bro a lot and I was always the odd one out. Dad was more attentive to me though when we were younger. He would be the first to scold me if I do badly in my exam. He used to poke fun of me and took a picture of me crying when I was so angry with them(my parents) for not giving me something (can't remember what was it though). I remembered vividly that he scolded me really badly for scoring a 60% for my science paper and when my mom came back tambah one more scolding. Double combo !!! hahahaha. But the best part about my dad is he will always try to "tam" (i think its comfort if translated in eng) me or my brother the next day or a few hours after scolding us. By doing what? Buying us what we like of course :) In my brothers case, it would be food and clothes or just simply allowing him to use the computer. For me, its shopping and food.
Getting on to the main point, I was emotionless for 3 or 4 years. I didn't miss her as much and I wasn't really shaken by the whole situation. Of course I did cry but yea u know what I mean... I never really gave the whole situation a thought. I just thought of it as a long holiday.
3) How did u cope with the situation?
The reality only hit me real hard in Form 5. It was only that time that I started thinking of all the if(s) and how different it would have been. So to deal with it, I find comfort in my friends and other family members and relatives. They are the ones who fill up the emptiness. :) and of course the occasional baking (a little hobby of mine). Btw, just in case u were wondering, my relative, my aunt to be specific was the one who took me to buy bra... LOL. And ever since then, I've been the one shopping for my own clothes. Chun eh? And with the added disagreement between me and my dad over girly stuff until my relatives were actually considering talking to my dad for my sake. Example would be that he thinks that buying facial products is not a necessity. I was told to wash my face with erm... hand soap instead of proper facial wash? and the clothes I wear.... No sleeveless and no shorts ... and more la. We also argue about my responsibilities. We had a huge row in 2007 when I was in SAM until I decided to cabut the next year to Melbourne.
4) Do u still miss her?
Like duh !!! Every time i see my friends happily shopping or going out with their mom, I do feel a pang of sadness but I've lived through it. I do keep a few pictures of her close. This whole situation turned me into an iron woman. Gotta admire my inner strength for this. I was forced (maybe not forced but expected to) to take up some roles and fulfill them all ... I really had to grow up and mature much faster than the rest. Therefore, Don't blame me for the "motherly" side of me k? hehehehehe.... I had to play out that role for 8 years and more to come in future. But yea I do miss her occasionally but that can't be helped. Every downfall will only make me a much better & stronger woman !!! :)
Therefore, a piece of advice here is never ever presume that an unfortunate event is always bad or detrimental. There is always an underlying lesson to be learn from it and it will make us a wiser and more knowledgeable person. =)
I hope this clarified all your doubts.... :) and don't treat me differently ok? I am not cacat-ed in any way ....
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