Exam period....

Been having a tug and war competition with myself the past few days but it's all good now.... currently back on track.... Thanks for concern to all those who realized from my Facebook and Msn nicks.... I really do appreciate all of it... I am still slowly recovering from the breakdown...

This will be my last post before i divulge into my exam studying mode.... From my post a few weeks ago, I stated that I was looking for that inspiration and motivation ....

I finally found it after going through the rough few days .... I realized that the only thing that pushed me to the edge and automatically triggers the dissatisfaction and unhappiness is actually

My dad's expectation of me....

His benchmark and satisfaction is my utmost priority currently.... Nothing will ever change that. If he thinks that my results ain't good enough then it is not good enough.... If that is what he wants me to do then that is what I will do....

And he wants the best possible result I can obtain then I will live up to that expectation....

This is what happens when u are too dependent and attached to your parent .... You will end up spending your entire life living for others....

Sometimes I really don't know what I should do .... ???

What would u do if u were in my place?




At times, I do wonder how different it would have been like if she .......


Would I've been much happier from lesser burden? DEFINITELY

Have more clothes and all the stuff a girl long to have? YES to that

Less emo? Like DUH


All the things I could never own and experience .....

Forced to mature .....

Forced to take responsibilities and taking the occasional blames for not executing it well....

Worried that another one might be taken away from me.....

The everlasting sacrifice ........

The painful experience .....

that was brought upon.

The inner strength that I've built all this while....

Don't fail me now.....

I seriously think that I am gonna flunk this semester real BAD>>>>

I would have already started studying by now last semester but not this semester...

I am still looking for that motivation and inspiration....

Please come pretty soon before I break down and weep my heart out like what I did back in SAM....

I am counting on my luck tomorrow and praying hard that it will eventually come tomorrow before its too late.... *cross her fingers*

WHY i never mention i bake

Another emo post of mine.... It just struck me when my cousin asked me :"When are u gonna bake for me?"

That I am never gonna be good enough in my family as in my circle of relatives la.... Refuse to specify which side

Compared to 2 of my cousin sister's... Whatever I try to excel in, they are always one step ahead of me.
Example???

First one is studies.... I tried my very best in this but someone(tak boleh mention cos she reads my blog) is always above me no matter what... You are just too smart dear cousin of mine.... tehehehehe i know u are reading this....
That one maybe I don't really mind but it does get to you sometimes when ppl asyik compare

Second one is my hobby... which is baking and maybe the occasional cooking. My other cousin is apparently better than me in this.... Feeling a bit disheartened at this point...
This particular incident made me feel really stupid and after that I decided not to even mention to any of my relatives that I bake...

Further explanation of the incident.....

This happened when I went back the last round (Dec 08 - Feb 09). I happened to bake my so called "best" pastry ever la in my entire history of baking. And coincidentally my cousin dropped by to collect the stuff that I bought back for her from Melbourne so I told her that I baked and I was obviously super excited about it. She did take a look at my creation and asked why are the sides are so broken (still trying to improvise on that). Little did I know that she also bakes too... So during a gathering celebration at her mom's place, my other aunt mentioned that her baking was awesome and wanted her to bake for them to try. Can u roughly guess what was reaction?

SHOCKED obviously???!!!

Betul betul felt really bodoh lor... I've been telling a pro all this while about my so called "good" creation... Seriously felt so stupid at that time that I sworn to never mention that I like baking too... Doubt my stuff can live up to my relatives' standard anyway... And to be honest I hate it when ppl compare what I enjoy doing with someone else's work....

But the bright side to this is that at least my friends, immediate family and my relatives from my other parent do appreciate my baking. That is the comforting part.....
The last round back i managed to make it for my other relatives and they praised me for doing it really well (by that I mean the taste, texture and the sweetness) and even asked me when am I coming back so that I can make for them again... It's amazing how some good feedback can actually make u feel cos u know that at least someone enjoys what u've baked for them....

The same goes to my friends in Melbourne/ Malaysia and also my housemates. They never fail to thank me and give some encouraging feedback .... The part I find really cute is when Miss Yilee(my new housemate) gives out that cute reaction when she returns from uni and sense that something just came out from the oven. And she even eats the stuff that I think is not edible at all like my first attempt to make swiss roll.... So cute la she.... hahaha.... Thanks a lot gal!!! It real perks my mood to see someone get so excited over ur baking....

And last but not least of course my immediate family... The ones that always finish up whatever I bake.... My brother refuse to admit though that he likes my baking and said that the only reason he eats it is because he has nothing else to eat. =_= And my dad for always kindly telling me that my cakes are either too dry or no taste but amazingly he still eats them. He praticularly likes my baked cheesecake, apple crumble(his ultimate favourite) and butter cake. It made me laugh when he sounded so happy after I told him that I will be making cheesecake in the afternoon but not the one he wanted. LOL. When he found out, he was like :"why make the chilled one? make the baked one la." hahahaha.......

But I never did manage to make that again for him... Sorry daddy... Will try to make your favourite cake which is Tiramisu when I go back.... I will be experimenting that in July right after my exam... Can't wait... tehehehehe....

OOps !!! its already 12.25 am.... better head to bed since I have a lecture at 9am tmr.... :)

Latest from the oven....

My latest addition to my collection..... Triple Chocolate Mud Cake sempena Suzanna Lim's b'day...

I know I am not suppose to bake but this was an exception....



I decorated this myself.... With strawberries on top, white chocolate pieces, combination of dark + white chocolate decorations and a cherry in the middle... as well as the choclate chips at the side.... forgot about that... lol
For my beloved housemates.... Sorry Yilee dear for ruining ur diet... its worth it though.... hahahaFor my friends.... Sorry for making u all put on excess weight....

I miss my good friends a lot..... :'( Wanna balik la.... when was the last time I hung out with both Chan and Chin.... bohooo.....

Moody me....

Been PMS-ing the whole of ytd for no obvious reason....

There might be some explanations for that

• Exam stress - Where to start studying?
• Didn't skype dad :(
• Emo from being left alone way too long - U gotta admire my inner strength for this ok? Last year was by far the worse experience ever

And I am thankful that my hsmates didn't hit me in the head... lol. I mean I hardly spoke more than 5 words to both of them the whole day.... I am so sorry btw.... Just wasn't in my best condition.

And today I am feeling really groggy. Why?

• First of all, I couldn't sleep the whole night. And why u may ask? cos i forgot to close my room window.... haih.... my fault for not checking...
  
• Mid sem test for OB is back.... and i got 70/100 saja....

Haiz.... hopefully both ah kia and suegie will cheer me up tonight when i meet them for a drink....

Btw, I have decided to sought help from my friends instead of my hsmate to book my ticket to Adelaide... hmmmm.... wonder why i decided it that way too... :) dun wanna mafan them...

BAKING DEPRIVED !!!!

All the beautiful pictures that never fail to mesmerize me....

Pictures of

Baked American Cheesecake

Chocolate Moist Cake

Brownies

Chocolate tarts

Log Cakes - Pandan, strawberry, or even chocolate

Tiramisu cake which I've been longing to try.....


I have never felt so deprived in my entire life..... Somebody save me.... and dun even ask me to bake cause I won't be able to stop once i've started

Assignments ordeal over and the upcoming exams...

Finally the horrible and just terrible OB assignment is OVER!!! DONE!!! NO MORE!!! After weeks of 2 -4 hours of sleep each night, I can finally tuck into my warm bed at around 12am and sleep peacefully without having weird biases in my dreams.... Yes it is so not fun to dream about that.

And the outcome from all my hard work in OB?

A gain/loss of 2kg

Gain? Loss?

U be the judge .....

Do u think I put on 2kg or lost 2kg in a week?

hmmmm......

Snack attack to stay awake? or possibly my being too busy to even bother about what I eat?

And as of now,

it is actually 2.6kg....

?????


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My exam timetable is out too....
:'(

11th June - COST MANAGEMENT

12th June - ORGANIZATIONAL BEHAVIOR
(the one i spent sleepless nights on)

19th June - Intermediate Financial Accounting
(my fav subject although its darn complicated)

24th June - ICT

30th June - TO ADELAIDE !!!!!!

Quick updates

Here are some of the pictures of my latest addition to my collection.....


Looks good? Unfortunately for now, the ones in Melbourne only get to enjoy it.... Wait patiently till my long awaited return to taste this.... *perasannya*

Anyway.... I shall "disappear" for a while as usual... Will be back in a few weeks...

@Chan: U know ur best friend well enough and why she is doing this.... Keep in touch via email k? All the best for ur exam btw.....

@Gene: If u dunno why I am about to "disappear", please slap urself 10 times for not knowing ur good friend well enough....

@monkey in Taman Tun: Ur sis is trying to live up to u-know-who 's standard. The nagging starts when something goes downhill... So jia jia you !!!!

"The ones that love taking care of others are actually the ones that need to be taken care of"

I agree 100% with this saying.....

Dad just told me to stay away from crowded places....