Congrats cousin of mine....

My closest cousin aka my number one rival is engaged!

And I am really really really happy for her !

Those around me would have known her as the super-smart one I never fail to talk about

Yes! that awesome possum cousin of mine...

Although she brought a great deal of stress to my life but it was never her fault at all.... Blame it on my daddy who loves to compare...

Even then, she is like a sister to me. We spent a great deal of time together during our childhood days...

I used to stay over at her house when we were younger. Everytime we're fortunate enough to get some days off from school, I'll pack up some clothes and head over to her house for a few days.

Those were the days .... :)

we used to sing our hearts out before bedtime just to annoy the adults and pretend we're asleep when they come knocking on the door

And we'll watch little mermaid a few times until we get sick of it

we'll play hide and seek, water balloons, and i remember receiving a present from her dad for my bday - it was a sticker maker.

How I wish we could rewind the clock .... to those good ol' days!


That's the bride to be on my right....

Congrats again cousin of mine... !!!! You deserve to receive the best out of all the things the world has to offer! Be one gorgeous bride on your wedding day and I'll proudly be there to witness the happiest day of your life !

P/S ppl! start reminding me I NEED TO GO ON A DIET! I still have about a few months to go on diet before her big day! And I am next in line in the family !!!! HOW??? That one kena slowly wait la... hahaha. Currently still single so no wedding bells anytime soon. oh did i mention the wedding would most likely be on an island??? :)

Not quite myself

that's what u get after going through one hell of an exam... The tears finally ran dry on Monday and ever since then... Wouldn't quite say I've recovered completely but enough to keep me going for my last few papers. Sleeping is my latest hobby. It's the best way to kill time and avoid any unwanted thoughts that might find its' way into my mind. I've gotta say that this exam totally killed my baking interest. Until I find a good enough reason to start baking again, I am gonna refrain from doing so until my exam results are out on the 9th of July. On that day, u'll either see my crumple to the ground or floating on cloud nine. I've a feeling the latter wouldn't quite apply. Anyhow, I am gonna continue living each day without anticipating much but with that tiny fraction of hope that luck will pick my side for once. Tomorrow is gonna be another hard day since it's SUNDAY which also means it's Skype day. More emotional turmoil headed my way. I don't think I've done enough to earn someone's trust and it's unfair to ask for it. But it would have made quite a difference in how I've lived my life up until this moment. Like how the earth revolves around the sun, my life revolves around what others expect from me. There's hardly any escape route that's worth taking... Hence, I would just have to suck it in and accept the given. Looks like my July break will be purely devoted to work. The outcome has been decided even though I may stop once in a while to think twice. Time to sum up that courage and give the Partner a call to follow up on my job soon. *sigh..... *

When will I ever get a decent break? Dad claims that I complain too much everytime I leave the house for work at 7.30am. He insists that he used to enjoy working sooooo much when he was younger. But the difference between daddy dear and me is the generation. He failed to realize that during his time, stress is only induced at a later period unlike us. I don't remember ever having that lil extra time after school to go out and play in the garden for hours but I DO remember those tuition classes I had to attend every week.

But no matter how things have changed, I still do my very best in trying to meet your expectations because I know how hard it must've been on you - that 6 years. Having to take care of us and work at the same time. We both know how painful it was although we never really showed each other that we're actually having a tough time just in case the other might worry. Those days where u waited patiently for me after tuition to pick me up, times where we would argue at the pharmacy because I wanted to get some beauty products so badly, the evenings where I'll wait for u to return from work for dinner even though it's late, times where u'll scold me until I end up crying and u'll come and try to comfort me the next day by buying me stuff/ food....

Happy father's day, Daddy!

a never seen before family photo now making itself public.

what are the chances

If only the sequence is as follows,



then my life wouldn't be as hellish as it may seem now. You always fail to realize by doing what you do as a way of caring is only gonna add to the boundaries that were set some time back until it reaches a stage where I'm unreachable....

many thanks...

Thanks a lot really to those who've been supporting and encouraging me right after DS paper....

I really do appreciate them all....

I know that I should probably move on and focus on my next paper but trust me, I'm doing it one step at a time while slowly recovering from the aftermath

Having 2 horrifying papers one after another was just too much to handle I guess...

First one wasn't too bad but time was a real problem... Knowing u could have finished the paper but only to end up scribbling all kinds of shitty answers which doesn't help much. Paper was sufficiently hard up to certain std but not overdone. Know what I mean?

Contrary to the 2nd paper ... Some of my friends were holding in their tears real hard throughout the exam and cried like shit upon leaving the exam hall.
I'll openly admit I was one of them.

The horror....
I pretty much had problem doing all the questions that yield about 8 - 10 marks each (about 4 questions in total) and to add on to my sorrow, I couldn't be too sure of the ones I managed to do. How to pass at this rate?
and the typical me would go on to think about the possibility of failing and the story continues on with all kinds of thoughts popping out that ranges from having to stay in Melb for summer/ dad being disappointed / unable to find a job/ money issue ....

Update 1: I officially recovered from let's just say the worst meltdown period I've had since 1st year in uni. I guess to make it worse, I chose to skype my dad ytd. Hence, I was inflicted with more pain and mental distress which added to my so-called emo-ness. I chose ytd to skype him knowing I can't run from not skyping him and it has to be either ytd (sat) or today(sun). I picked ytd so that I'll be able to let it all out and not let it get in my way from today onwards which works perfectly fine for me since my full force revision begins today.

Thankfully I've past that phase
and it was definitely with some help from a few girls

Sara - who I spoke to on the phone for quite a while and also on Msn

SF (my cousin) - who experienced it before, hence, she knows what it feels like. Plus, she has firsthand knowledge of what my whole life has been about. Plus, she shared a great secret with me and it really did get me all excited for a bit.

Roommate - hahaha! this one was really cute! She caught me crying to myself in the room and didn't know how to approach me so she sent me an email. Generally, no one has ever seen me in this state except for my best friend :)

Su lynn - she shared some really inspiring videos with me XD

Kerry - She was checking on me through my twitter updates.... hehehe!

I think those around me slowly came to realize that the ones that affect me the most and leaves the deepest impression would be my family. Bestie knew that from the very start and understands very well what I'm going through. However, I failed to notice that some of those who've been around me for quite some time now came to realize that as well but still unsure as to what it is capable of doing to me and the extent of it. Now it's all exposed and I have nothing more or less to hide....

Btw, do not let the "ugly" side of me change your perception of me that is any different to the previous. My ego didn't quite play its' part very well ytd and i think its' feeling pretty uptight at the moment from the "exposure". hahaha!

2nd update: Dad told my brother he couldn't sleep because he is worried I might fail. The usual me would have probably started sobbing my heart out and worry about it too and blame myself but guess what???!!!
I am not gonna be bothered anymore... I have no more tears to spare at the moment... and I have another paper to worry about rather than something I took 2 days ago. Not like I can change anything right??? So wtv lah! I knew I did the best I could already and am I to blame if both the lecturers are nut case ppl with one being a super awful lecturer? I couldn't even understand half his lecture ...
So I am gonna leave this... If he wants to worry... let him... I am gonna be really optimistic about this... I am tired of living under a shell all the time and trying so hard to prove myself worthy all the time... I am gonna trust in myself and do things my way...

Passion, Dream, Challenge, Wisdom, Hope

Dying to blurt out my inner emotions without drawing attention from those around me.

I wasn't normal after DS paper and I had to sleep it off just to stay away from thinking too much.

only to wake up to reality 3 hours later. I didn't even have the mood to go out for dinner with some friends.

But all's good now....
P/S Sara, thanks for the much needed talk. It really did help a lot XD

I am about to share some really inspiring videos... Watch if u're free. I found it really inspiring...

Passion - I really like this video


Dream- and this is my fav


Challenge


Wisdom


Hope


final story


The MV

Meltdown period

I'm slowly running out of steam and the motivation to actually continue working my butt off in my studies....

Started doing that since 7 (had to achieve 90 - 100% for my exams) I remember how mad my parents were at me for only scoring 60 plus for a science paper in Std 4 ... and from 11 years old onwards, I was even busier than my dad. Going to school at 6am in the morning, extra classes until 2pm followed by tuition until 6pm. By the time I get home, it's already 7 plus. Dinner time + shower = 8pm... followed by a pile of homework which includes essay, comprehension etc. I usually sleep at 1am and at 5am ---> up and running again getting ready for school. My form teacher was the only one I ever spend a lot of time with as I had tuition at her house and I see her pretty often in school anyways. She really did take good care of me for 3 years (std 4 - 6) especially when I was in Std 6 :) I could easily get away with not handing up my homework on time and she used to give me money each time I choose to do homework at her house before tuition starts to actually go out and buy food to eat XD Tuition class usually starts at 4plus and I'll go over at about 3pm after school to do homework.

Then on to high school... Form 4 and Form 5. I had to attend 2 tuition classes in a day (including Saturdays). Back from school at 2pm followed by tuition at 3 plus until 5 something. Next tuition class at 8pm - 10pm. Or if not, it's usually one after another. My lunch would usually just be a piece of bread with margarine because i hardly had any time to eat which explains my ghastly figure and nerdy look in high school. I hardly had any time for anything else. Barred from watching tv on weekdays and barred from internet 7 days a week. If I am lucky enough, I might be able to negotiate one hour usage of internet on a Sat night.

Another 6 more months to go... I really need a break. Haven't really had one proper break since Form 4...

After Form 5 ---> SAM ----> After SAM ----> Work -----> 1st year in AUS ---> Internship at EY ----> 2nd year in uni ----> internship again ----> 3rd year in uni ----> July break (work??? ) ----> After graduation ----> Work for the rest of my life...

Workaholic is what I was being referred to by my friends. But honestly do you think I enjoy working??? That question was never brought up.... The guilt was what prompted me to work in the first place. Would someone in my place feel comfortable sitting at home for 3 months not doing anything productive with her time while her dad leaves for work 5 days a week to support us? Go right ahead and tell me whether I'm wrong...

There was hardly any time in between for me to actually stop and question myself WHAT is it that I truly wanna do ? Currently my life is no different to a well planned schedule that leaves no space for any changes. There were hardly any options given for me to decide and actually sit down and thoroughly question myself. As much as I wanted to go home in July for the past 2 years, it was never possible due to financial constraints. The obvious answer to any open invitation for a trip to other states in Aus is a NO! and I hardly watch any movies in Aus because I simply can't afford them...

Sorry.... i am just having a pre-exam meltdown at the moment.... I'll be fine tmr.

Update 1: I crashed and burnt last night but yet able to slowly pick up the broken pieces and super-glue them tightly until the 15th of June 2010. Thank god my eyes weren't that swollen this morning .... tehehehehehe...

I really don't see the need to call each other EVERY SINGLE NIGHT 7 days a week !Won't u get sick of each other???

and I am clearly expressing my disapproval of my brother current "ON OFF" relationship that I prefer not to know anything about it.

But there is only one thing I cannot tolerate which is mentioned above.

Geez... Smsing each other everyday (max 20 smses) can be understood but not calling, unfortunately.

Kids these days... If I have to do that in my future relationship, I'd feel like I'm suffocating and I'll probably end it asap. Please give each other some space to breathe man... Macam-lah calling each other is super cheap ...

I just think that there are better things to do than to actually call each other everyday... and I am gonna openly express my disapproval to my bro about this for I find it unacceptable.

I wanna go home :(
I miss home ;'(

btw, I juust added my favourite songs that I listen to pretty often back home whenever I am feeling overly stressed... :)

It has this calming effect that's hard to find... :)

Back to burying myself under my books.