Post exam....

Sorry for the lack of updates :) Guilty as charged for enjoying myself way too much. Been going in and out of the house pretty often until I forgot to reply my dad's email (oops!!!) and he had to sms me just to make sure his "precious" daughter is still alive and free from Swine flu....

"Daddy dear, I am pretty capable of taking care of myself u know? Ur daughter is already 20 years old. Sudah besar dah dan sudah ada boyfriend (eh! wait sorry ... this part belum yet- still married to my studies). "

So back to the main point.... This is what I've been doing the past erm.... 1.... 2.... 3... 4 days?

24th June - after exam
Had dinner with Ong Yin at a Chinese Szechuan restaurant. Spot the word Szechuan? It literally means spicy + oily chinese food... And i mean really really really spicy... Our dish had a mountain full of dried red chilli on it. That gives u an idea how spicy it is. And the bill came up to $67 btw but I did not pay a single cent. Ong Yin paid for it because she was reall thankful for my help (OB notes) and wanted to treat me... But don't u think that $70 was tad a bit too much? And plus we couldn't even finish half of what we (correction: she) ordered. So i brought back most of the leftovers....

25th June
Lunch with Kerry and Chengsu @ Oriental Spoon (me likeeee !!!) and dinner with Audi (my good friend who is leaving for Scotland... *Sobs*)@ Shanghai Dumpling - my treat. We finished 16 dumplings and a bowl of noodles... and I know thats freaking a lot so we walked up and down swanston street (until flinders) to reduce the guilt and help our digestion.

26th June
Went shopping by myself from morning until afternoon. I took the wrong tram to Smith Street and ended up at East Brunswick. That ain't that bad until I realized that I've been giving my friend - Jia Chen the wrong information all these while. So So So Sorry !!!! And I bought a new white jacket, pair of flats, and some stuff from Body Shop. Went swimming with Miss Yilee after that.

27th June- today!
Went for Dimsum with Kerry, Chengsu and Sabrina (chengsu's brother's gf) @ Shark Fin House. Yum !!! and here comes the best part.... I had a party at night at Colin's place. It was Cake and Pastry day. Basically everyone had to bring their share of dessert and Colin will provide the main meal. Guess what did I bake?
Cheesecake Brownies with Chocolate Ganache and Pieces of Tim Tams on top.... U want a piece?

And so I would say that majority of those who attended the party asked where I bought this from... and was told instead that I baked it... *syok sendiri....* got a few thumbs up btw :)

And I got to know another girl, Sharon who loves to bake as well. And she makes the best Banana Strudel ever.... Glad to know that I am not the only girl out there who bakes that often. I also met another old old old friend of mine - dates back to primary school. I was totally clueless until she reminded me how we knew each other and what we did together. How can I be that forgetful when she was one of my closest friend ever in primary school? Maybe because I never liked primary school to start off with. So we had a nice chat with each other and exchanged numbers. Looks like I'll be seeing more of her in future


The end....

emo pimo

I've decided to cut down on the amount of baking I do starting from today onwards.... Baking seriously ain't cheap and I really can't afford spending so much money on the ingredients and yet not eat whatever I bake.

The butter, flour, chocolates, eggs, milk, whipping cream, cocoa powder, cream cheese and sugar. They are just way too expensive for me to keep on buying them especially cream cheese and whipping cream (killer expensive $4) .

a sparkle of happiness and a dose of sadness

Tears of joy from a combination of the following:


Everyone back home is happy and healthy

Exam finally over and done with

Finally having some time to sit down and read a book, bake and hang out with my friends


with some added sadness that one of my friend is leaving for Scotland for an exchange programme for a year...


No more calls late at night complaining about our subjects

Less an exam stress partner

Less a friend to seek when I have difficulty understanding any given subject

Who will exchange answers and discuss them with me?


Buh-bye Audilia !!!! :'( I am gonna miss u gal!!!!


Take care always !!!!

I hate you!!!! I hate U !!!!!!

gosh... how dare u put me down like that?

So what if I don't freaking understand the question? In case u didn't know, the question was not phrased correctly and how do u expect me to answer a question like that? And to put me down further, U have to ask my average score for my first year? Gosh... Sorry to disappoint u but my average score is H2A; bet u expected a P or N? And to judge a person based on one petty assignment is too much don't u think?

and why make such a big deal out of some random spelling mistake I made? Do u have to ask whether English is my first language just because of that?

To add to that, must u lecture me on what uni students are expected to do?

I wasn't the only one....

• The everlasting burden that haunts me 24 hours a day
• The guilt this semester for not studying as hard as I could
• The unusual me that refuse to cooperate

I have no idea why I slacked so much this semester... I was never like that before and the fact that I did not study as hard as I could have fueled up the guilt....

Is it because I've been working hard all these while and got so tired by the time the finals arrived? OB might have contributed to this....

or is it because I've lost all sources of inspiration and motivation?

I hope this will stop haunting me day and night.... I really need to stop shedding tears every time I think about this. This has been going on ever since yesterday night....

It's not that I couldn't study but there is this part of me that locked my study mood behind bars and brought out the Facebook-ing and MSN-ing.... and I couldn't control myself and succumbed to it which only made it worse....

some time alone....

I:

am currently giving myself some time alone to reflect on my mistakes and figure out what I've done wrong....

need to exercise (best way to clear my clouded mind)

would probably try and find some time tmr to go to the city and walk around

am quite unlikely to start studying for my next paper tonight... My mind is filled with too many unnecessary thoughts that needs to be cleared out before i start afresh ....

wish I'll stop dwelling over my badly done papers... but I can't help but feel uneasy even though I know I won't fail any of my papers.... (higher expectations -> higher chances of disappointment)

know it's about to strike anytime now... :x

I is CHAN PEI JIE deprived !!!!

woman! u better come online on Saturday or I will seriously die from not being able to spit out all these stress and suppress my need to complain about random stuff ... plus the "gossips"

dying mouse ~~~~ lol !!! only u will get what this means...

and I put on weight again....

No idea where that extra fats came from though...

Pretty depressing to stare at the weighing scale edging right instead of left.....

haih....

I only ate white rice for ONE day ok? Itu pun tak boleh...

Yilee !!! Lets go swimming on Fri and jogging on Sat !!!! Anyone up for rock climbing after exam?

I really hate myself for being so weak at times.... But I refuse to depend on anyone or even show how weak I am to anybody

Ultimate dependency kills.... (dad taught me not to overly depend on anyone)

I shall suck in it, pull myself together and move forward....

and what is with these headaches I've been getting every night? Eating Panadol every single night ain't exactly the best way to go about this...

Stress? Cannot be... Mana stress? Busy Facebook-ing and browsing Youtube do not constitute as being stress

Malnutrition? hmmm... maybe? I dunno... I know I've been on a diet for ages now... but still..... nah dun think so...

What else is there anyway?

I am only allowed to bring back 15kg worth of stuff when I go back

so I am gonna have to start saying NO to 95% of requests ....

Not my fault...

Dad was the one who booked my plane ticket for me...

And I am also complaining here ok ...?

I will never show my true emotions to anyone ..... Reason as stated below
and this stupid quiz on Facebook is just so darn accurate... Every word is just so precise....
:S

LOL.... but really a huge thank you to both you ladies I spoke to last night... :) Word of caution though: No matter how hard u try to dig up my emotions or true feelings, it will never work... hahahaha. U might be able to dig out half (if lucky) but that's probably the maximum :) Take good care of yourself first la before worrying about me!!!! hehehehe...

P/S I should really start planning a trip to s'pore....

I really can't wait for my exam to be done and over.... roughly about 1 week and 1 day to go.... and I just realized my agenda is jam packed after the 24th of june....

24th of June - Dinner after exam with Kerry and Audi and maybe suzy? Audi is leaving for Scotland for an exchange programme... Less one exam stress partner... haih....

25th June - Lunch with Ong Yin

26th June - shopping at DFO Essendon with Kia Xin and Suegie (my EY friends)

27th June - trying to arrange with Hui Zheng to go for Dim Sum at Taipan

28th June - thinking of heading to Clayton for a visit

29th June - PACK !!!!

30th June - Adelaide :)

Things u might not know....

1) I am afraid of a lot of things but refuse to admit. Some of them includes being left alone way too long (experienced this before- not fun at all), scared of losing everything I treasure, scared of the cold etc....

2) I am really REALLY REALLY clumsy... Just ask my dad. He will tell u I never fail to fall down every year and I know very well I am already 20 ok? From stairs to tripping over my own feet. Name it....

3) I am the BEST sister in the world. Seriously wei.... Reasons:

• I mean who else shaves their younger brothers' leg and offer to shave the other to even it out? I am so damn considerate....
• 1/4 of my internship salary indirectly went to my brother (all the rubbish supper i had to buy for him). That's RM 200 ok?
  
• Most of the time I am the one preparing his supper (when I am back in KL)
• Bonds with his gf.... This one I syok sendiri... Too kepo I think....
• Did his damn seni art work from 8pm until 2am !!!! And obviously it was nice la... haiyooo...
• Wash his wound on his *cough* *cough* b_ _ _ _ .....

4) I hated primary school. Everyone was so nerdy and if u are not at their level of intelligence, ur considered stupid.

5) I love any vigorous activity. Swimming, rock climbing, cycling, kayaking, jogging, badminton, basketball, netball, tennis, gym ......

6) I liked one guy for more than 5 years back in high school. Don't ask who unless ur not from SMK DJ. Those who know... keep quiet....

my latest obsession

Tadaaaaa......

Credits: Soompi forum

Introducing Nick Khun from 2pm (korean boy band)

I know he doesn't look like a typical korean guy but that is because he is half thai half chinese. Awesome combination....

I can't seem to get enough of his dancing though.... So sleek and smooth plus that face of his ... *melts*

Judge for urself.... He is the one in a blue jacket .... Awesome-ness after 1.55 mark

Credits: CodeMonmonSeason2

I am well on my way in achieving my target....
Been trying to get at least some exercise twice a week during exams
definitely more times a week after exams....

:)

MALU sial....

Of all things to expect after OB, I got this instead....

Credits: http://fragilex.wordpress.com/2009/05/19/not-again-oh-yeah-again/

now let me tell u what happened....

As I was walking down the stairs of Royal Exhibition Building.... SOMEONE pushed me when I was just about to take another step down...

SO.....

Loose footing + a little push

= Kaki blue black + buttock pain and the worse part ... my pride hurts....

Can u imagine the humiliation?

And I even accidentally pushed the guy in front of me but he was already at the bottom of the stairs so he was one lucky bloke. But he did help me up though.... haih.... just displaced my pride...

I'll admit that I am probably the clumsiest person in the world but this was NOT my fault !!!

hmmm.... really unfriendly ... me no likeeee

going to sleep now after getting a total of 5 hours sleep only for the past 2 days... Hibernation period...

Signing off at 7.52pm Melbourne time...

Categories of Friends

I know I should be studying for my exam but that's the whole reason why I am blogging. I just realized that I can actually put my existing friends into 3 different categories and note: This was brought to my attention during exam period !!!!

1) The first category :

• What I would regard as the friends that I am really lucky to have :)
• They are the ones who are there when u need them, never fail to ask u whats wrong when u are down, always keep in touch with u regardless of the circumstances. By that I mean whether I am back in KL or in Melbourne itself. They are the first to appear when u need help.
  
• U guys know who you are :) 2 in Melbourne, 1 in s'pore (+ my cousin), and probably a few in KL (definitely one - my bestie, the others will appear randomly)

2) The second category:

• The ok ok category.
  
• The ones whom I do keep in touch once in a while. And yeah they do help me when I ask for help. We help each other and sit together during lectures but that's about it. Nothing more nothing less. And they do acknowledge my help in the form of actions.
  

3) The third category:

• The benefits of having them as your friend < The costs of having them as your friend
• By that I literally mean, seldom talk/ acknowledge each other, we only "bond" during periods when they are in trouble and I have all the resources they need, I am the one they rant to when the whole world turn their back against them, not bothered to ask why I am down or upset, extorts from me and always fail to acknowledge my contribution. Mind u, the thank you is always there but they are merely words not actions. Actions speak louder than words. Plus, they are the first to appear when I have something they need.
  

*speechless*

Stupid and plain dumb is all I can say *bangs her head against the wall*

The exam wasn't hard to be honest but WHY???

Why can't I seem to remember whatever I've studied? Why am I so dumb? Why am I so ignorant? Why do I fail to recognize my priorities and learn to push all other miscellaneous stuff aside? Damn it....

I am so gonna punish myself for this ..... A lifetime sentence until I've repented my mistakes ...

No Cost Management, I refuse cry because of ur ever complicated concept....

I will get this done and over with ....


Take a deep breath....

and

Start over....

Not enough sleep
+
Stress
+
Unable to grasp the concept of cost management
+
Cost management = dry & boring

equals

Super bad mood & having the urge to kill something

Joke of the day

First one:

NEVER EAT BUTTER FISH !!!!! why? check wikipedia .... me and my hsmate currently suffering after consuming that.... :( go figure http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Escolar

Second:
My dad is currently addicted to Red Rock Deli Chips (Chilli and sour cream flavour). According to my brother, my dad finished half the packet and left a teeny bit for him only. Funny because? My dad never eat chips !!!! And to think that he acually "fought" with my bro over it is kinda amusing. He even took it into his room and left a bit for my bro only.... wakakakkaka....

And i would like to introduce my bro:

Back on the strict exercise regime..... to lose 5 kg :) And NO I refuse to stop this diet and attempt to lose weight until i've achieved my target. Slim apa? I am darn fat k? *stares at her pair of elephant legs*

I've been feeling a bit restless thanks to my exam preparation. Been sitting all day and I really do feel like a 40 year old woman ....

So to get my blood pumping and move those gigantic thighs, me and miss Yilee decided to head out for some exercise.

To do that, I bought something from here :)
It was $48. Pretty pricey though .....

The reasonably fit me couldn't even keep up with miss yilee. haih.... not a good sign at all. I wonder if i am still capable of jogging?

And I am glad to announce that Pei Jie has finally "resurfaced". Sorry bestie, I really thought u disappeared after failing to spam my FB wall and reply my sms. Wanted to talk to u so bad and rant about my sucky life. But all's well now. I hope ur work is treating u good. Update me whenever la ok?

btw Chicken a.k.a my other close friend a.k.a Eugene is heading back to KL soon. *jealous* U better head back in Dec for our annual new year countdown if not I will fly to London and kick u.... Heard that? Anyway I hope u will have a great time back in KL ya? Enjoy all the msian food u can lay ur hands on. And u still owe me my b'day present for 1.... 2... 3... years !!! I will be expecting a huge parcel for my 21st next year.....

Refreshed.... and some enlightenment on my past

I had a really nice chat with a new friend I just got to know in April. And I gotta say she is like a big sister to me. I really look up to her in many ways *looks around for any sign of her cousin* Although I only got to know her for one week but we clicked straightaway... I was initially just telling her about my internship in KPMG ytd and it went on to our own personal problems and judging from the current situation, it seems like she is the only one who knows the most about my family than any of my other friends. Not blaming u guys for not putting in any effort but I sense the fear of asking and not knowing how I might react. My friend *hint: she is in spore* also told me honestly that she was really afraid of asking but she did ask eventually after I prompted her to do so. Never be afraid to ask me stuff as I will always try my best to answer them all. Therefore, I've decided to write a little bit about what u all are dying to ask..... those closest to me might have already noticed that I hardly mention my mom and only ever do mention my dad.

Questions
1) Where is my mom?
She passed away when I was 12 in 2001 from stomach cancer. yea i know i was still so darn young. Dad remarried last year in June. I had to make a painful trip back to KL for 2 days ONLY right before my end of semester exam. Went back on Fri and flew back on Sunday. Exam was on Tues. Syok eh? btw I did quite badly for that paper on Tues. LOL

2) Were u sad and shocked?
Erm... to be honest I was too young to comprehend and understand the whole situation. To start off with, I wasn't really that close to my mom. I was closer to my dad. And frankly speaking, I was really scared of my mom because she used to scold me a lot and as a kid, I sense some degree of unevenness in the attention given. She pampered my bro a lot and I was always the odd one out. Dad was more attentive to me though when we were younger. He would be the first to scold me if I do badly in my exam. He used to poke fun of me and took a picture of me crying when I was so angry with them(my parents) for not giving me something (can't remember what was it though). I remembered vividly that he scolded me really badly for scoring a 60% for my science paper and when my mom came back tambah one more scolding. Double combo !!! hahahaha. But the best part about my dad is he will always try to "tam" (i think its comfort if translated in eng) me or my brother the next day or a few hours after scolding us. By doing what? Buying us what we like of course :) In my brothers case, it would be food and clothes or just simply allowing him to use the computer. For me, its shopping and food.

Getting on to the main point, I was emotionless for 3 or 4 years. I didn't miss her as much and I wasn't really shaken by the whole situation. Of course I did cry but yea u know what I mean... I never really gave the whole situation a thought. I just thought of it as a long holiday.

3) How did u cope with the situation?
The reality only hit me real hard in Form 5. It was only that time that I started thinking of all the if(s) and how different it would have been. So to deal with it, I find comfort in my friends and other family members and relatives. They are the ones who fill up the emptiness. :) and of course the occasional baking (a little hobby of mine). Btw, just in case u were wondering, my relative, my aunt to be specific was the one who took me to buy bra... LOL. And ever since then, I've been the one shopping for my own clothes. Chun eh? And with the added disagreement between me and my dad over girly stuff until my relatives were actually considering talking to my dad for my sake. Example would be that he thinks that buying facial products is not a necessity. I was told to wash my face with erm... hand soap instead of proper facial wash? and the clothes I wear.... No sleeveless and no shorts ... and more la. We also argue about my responsibilities. We had a huge row in 2007 when I was in SAM until I decided to cabut the next year to Melbourne.

4) Do u still miss her?
Like duh !!! Every time i see my friends happily shopping or going out with their mom, I do feel a pang of sadness but I've lived through it. I do keep a few pictures of her close. This whole situation turned me into an iron woman. Gotta admire my inner strength for this. I was forced (maybe not forced but expected to) to take up some roles and fulfill them all ... I really had to grow up and mature much faster than the rest. Therefore, Don't blame me for the "motherly" side of me k? hehehehehe.... I had to play out that role for 8 years and more to come in future. But yea I do miss her occasionally but that can't be helped. Every downfall will only make me a much better & stronger woman !!! :)
Therefore, a piece of advice here is never ever presume that an unfortunate event is always bad or detrimental. There is always an underlying lesson to be learn from it and it will make us a wiser and more knowledgeable person. =)


I hope this clarified all your doubts.... :) and don't treat me differently ok? I am not cacat-ed in any way ....