Not worthy enough

If only I can hop on the next plane to a far far away place where I can start anew...

Free from all this never ending expectations and pressure where I am free to decide what I really want and do things my way...

I dun have to live up to a certain someone's expectation and feel guilty whenever I end up doing things I enjoy doing or desire all so badly....

Is it so wrong to want to improve myself in a way that's different to the rest???

Someone once said to me :"the decision is up to you ..." and so I've made that decision BUT why in the world are u making me feel so bad and guilty right after I've decided my path? If u dislike it so much then pls say so from the start!

Have I not proven myself worthy enough to be able to make a reasonably wise decision? And yet the ironic part is that this was never smtg I've considered in the past and you suggested it in the first place....

and to think I would've made u proud by being able to accomplish and excel in both matters apart from being able to return a fraction of smtg u've given me which I am utterly grateful for.