Not my best moment

It's a like a perfect scene where I am taking a slow walk through life and a wall just had to fall right down in the middle of my walkway.

basically up to me to face that wall and overcome my worst fears and climb over that wall to continue on with my journey.

Best part is that whenever I come across that wall, I have no one else to relate to on that matter without drawing too much attention to myself. It's my ego and pride that refuse to budge and since young, I've been taught not to rely too much on any individual as it might result in over-dependence. I don't expect anyone to understand and the last thing i need is pity. It's indeed a one woman show.

There will never ever be more than one human in that battlefield. At least not until I permit the trespassing and spill every single detail that has been haunting me for close to 10 years now.

I do not speak of this matter in public as it brings back way too many memories and hurt that can be pain staking and unbearable at times. I wish it will all dissipate into thin air and leave no trace whatsoever and save me from all the misery.

Despise the fact that I am one individual blessed with unlimited amount of tears. Ok maybe not since I recalled crying until I couldn't cry anymore (happened in 2008) !

Therefore, to avoid all the unwanted events from replaying in my mind as if it's on repeat mode, i've been spending a fair bit of time at the library trying to get my head around my syllabus. Home just became the worst place to hang out.

I need major distractions to keep myself occupied but of course only the good distractions are welcomed :) Library is my new hangout spot and coffee + sleep became my best friends. I should probably stop myself from consuming 2 cups of coffee a day. As bad as it may seem, I can't seem to get through the day without at least one cup. Sorry for being over dramatic, I need to straighten my life out before it's too late.

I think today was the only day I actually laughed that much in 2 hours. All thanks to my new found favourite teacher. He actually encouraged a student to say shit while trying to teach her how to pronounce a Chinese syllable properly. Well... he did try sheep initially but that didn't help so he tried the other word and it worked! LOL.