Thanks a lot really to those who've been supporting and encouraging me right after DS paper....
I really do appreciate them all....
I know that I should probably move on and focus on my next paper but trust me, I'm doing it one step at a time while slowly recovering from the aftermath
Having 2 horrifying papers one after another was just too much to handle I guess...
First one wasn't too bad but time was a real problem... Knowing u could have finished the paper but only to end up scribbling all kinds of shitty answers which doesn't help much. Paper was sufficiently hard up to certain std but not overdone. Know what I mean?
Contrary to the 2nd paper ... Some of my friends were holding in their tears real hard throughout the exam and cried like shit upon leaving the exam hall.
I'll openly admit I was one of them.
The horror....
I pretty much had problem doing all the questions that yield about 8 - 10 marks each (about 4 questions in total) and to add on to my sorrow, I couldn't be too sure of the ones I managed to do. How to pass at this rate?
and the typical me would go on to think about the possibility of failing and the story continues on with all kinds of thoughts popping out that ranges from having to stay in Melb for summer/ dad being disappointed / unable to find a job/ money issue ....
Update 1: I officially recovered from let's just say the worst meltdown period I've had since 1st year in uni. I guess to make it worse, I chose to skype my dad ytd. Hence, I was inflicted with more pain and mental distress which added to my so-called emo-ness. I chose ytd to skype him knowing I can't run from not skyping him and it has to be either ytd (sat) or today(sun). I picked ytd so that I'll be able to let it all out and not let it get in my way from today onwards which works perfectly fine for me since my full force revision begins today.
Thankfully I've past that phase
and it was definitely with some help from a few girls
Sara - who I spoke to on the phone for quite a while and also on Msn
SF (my cousin) - who experienced it before, hence, she knows what it feels like. Plus, she has firsthand knowledge of what my whole life has been about. Plus, she shared a great secret with me and it really did get me all excited for a bit.
Roommate - hahaha! this one was really cute! She caught me crying to myself in the room and didn't know how to approach me so she sent me an email. Generally, no one has ever seen me in this state except for my best friend :)
Su lynn - she shared some really inspiring videos with me XD
Kerry - She was checking on me through my twitter updates.... hehehe!
I think those around me slowly came to realize that the ones that affect me the most and leaves the deepest impression would be my family. Bestie knew that from the very start and understands very well what I'm going through. However, I failed to notice that some of those who've been around me for quite some time now came to realize that as well but still unsure as to what it is capable of doing to me and the extent of it. Now it's all exposed and I have nothing more or less to hide....
Btw, do not let the "ugly" side of me change your perception of me that is any different to the previous. My ego didn't quite play its' part very well ytd and i think its' feeling pretty uptight at the moment from the "exposure". hahaha!
2nd update: Dad told my brother he couldn't sleep because he is worried I might fail. The usual me would have probably started sobbing my heart out and worry about it too and blame myself but guess what???!!!
I am not gonna be bothered anymore... I have no more tears to spare at the moment... and I have another paper to worry about rather than something I took 2 days ago. Not like I can change anything right??? So wtv lah! I knew I did the best I could already and am I to blame if both the lecturers are nut case ppl with one being a super awful lecturer? I couldn't even understand half his lecture ...
So I am gonna leave this... If he wants to worry... let him... I am gonna be really optimistic about this... I am tired of living under a shell all the time and trying so hard to prove myself worthy all the time... I am gonna trust in myself and do things my way...
I really do appreciate them all....
I know that I should probably move on and focus on my next paper but trust me, I'm doing it one step at a time while slowly recovering from the aftermath
Having 2 horrifying papers one after another was just too much to handle I guess...
First one wasn't too bad but time was a real problem... Knowing u could have finished the paper but only to end up scribbling all kinds of shitty answers which doesn't help much. Paper was sufficiently hard up to certain std but not overdone. Know what I mean?
Contrary to the 2nd paper ... Some of my friends were holding in their tears real hard throughout the exam and cried like shit upon leaving the exam hall.
I'll openly admit I was one of them.
The horror....
I pretty much had problem doing all the questions that yield about 8 - 10 marks each (about 4 questions in total) and to add on to my sorrow, I couldn't be too sure of the ones I managed to do. How to pass at this rate?
and the typical me would go on to think about the possibility of failing and the story continues on with all kinds of thoughts popping out that ranges from having to stay in Melb for summer/ dad being disappointed / unable to find a job/ money issue ....
Update 1: I officially recovered from let's just say the worst meltdown period I've had since 1st year in uni. I guess to make it worse, I chose to skype my dad ytd. Hence, I was inflicted with more pain and mental distress which added to my so-called emo-ness. I chose ytd to skype him knowing I can't run from not skyping him and it has to be either ytd (sat) or today(sun). I picked ytd so that I'll be able to let it all out and not let it get in my way from today onwards which works perfectly fine for me since my full force revision begins today.
Thankfully I've past that phase
and it was definitely with some help from a few girls
Sara - who I spoke to on the phone for quite a while and also on Msn
SF (my cousin) - who experienced it before, hence, she knows what it feels like. Plus, she has firsthand knowledge of what my whole life has been about. Plus, she shared a great secret with me and it really did get me all excited for a bit.
Roommate - hahaha! this one was really cute! She caught me crying to myself in the room and didn't know how to approach me so she sent me an email. Generally, no one has ever seen me in this state except for my best friend :)
Su lynn - she shared some really inspiring videos with me XD
Kerry - She was checking on me through my twitter updates.... hehehe!
I think those around me slowly came to realize that the ones that affect me the most and leaves the deepest impression would be my family. Bestie knew that from the very start and understands very well what I'm going through. However, I failed to notice that some of those who've been around me for quite some time now came to realize that as well but still unsure as to what it is capable of doing to me and the extent of it. Now it's all exposed and I have nothing more or less to hide....
Btw, do not let the "ugly" side of me change your perception of me that is any different to the previous. My ego didn't quite play its' part very well ytd and i think its' feeling pretty uptight at the moment from the "exposure". hahaha!
2nd update: Dad told my brother he couldn't sleep because he is worried I might fail. The usual me would have probably started sobbing my heart out and worry about it too and blame myself but guess what???!!!
I am not gonna be bothered anymore... I have no more tears to spare at the moment... and I have another paper to worry about rather than something I took 2 days ago. Not like I can change anything right??? So wtv lah! I knew I did the best I could already and am I to blame if both the lecturers are nut case ppl with one being a super awful lecturer? I couldn't even understand half his lecture ...
So I am gonna leave this... If he wants to worry... let him... I am gonna be really optimistic about this... I am tired of living under a shell all the time and trying so hard to prove myself worthy all the time... I am gonna trust in myself and do things my way...
No comments:
Post a Comment