Meltdown period

I'm slowly running out of steam and the motivation to actually continue working my butt off in my studies....

Started doing that since 7 (had to achieve 90 - 100% for my exams) I remember how mad my parents were at me for only scoring 60 plus for a science paper in Std 4 ... and from 11 years old onwards, I was even busier than my dad. Going to school at 6am in the morning, extra classes until 2pm followed by tuition until 6pm. By the time I get home, it's already 7 plus. Dinner time + shower = 8pm... followed by a pile of homework which includes essay, comprehension etc. I usually sleep at 1am and at 5am ---> up and running again getting ready for school. My form teacher was the only one I ever spend a lot of time with as I had tuition at her house and I see her pretty often in school anyways. She really did take good care of me for 3 years (std 4 - 6) especially when I was in Std 6 :) I could easily get away with not handing up my homework on time and she used to give me money each time I choose to do homework at her house before tuition starts to actually go out and buy food to eat XD Tuition class usually starts at 4plus and I'll go over at about 3pm after school to do homework.

Then on to high school... Form 4 and Form 5. I had to attend 2 tuition classes in a day (including Saturdays). Back from school at 2pm followed by tuition at 3 plus until 5 something. Next tuition class at 8pm - 10pm. Or if not, it's usually one after another. My lunch would usually just be a piece of bread with margarine because i hardly had any time to eat which explains my ghastly figure and nerdy look in high school. I hardly had any time for anything else. Barred from watching tv on weekdays and barred from internet 7 days a week. If I am lucky enough, I might be able to negotiate one hour usage of internet on a Sat night.

Another 6 more months to go... I really need a break. Haven't really had one proper break since Form 4...

After Form 5 ---> SAM ----> After SAM ----> Work -----> 1st year in AUS ---> Internship at EY ----> 2nd year in uni ----> internship again ----> 3rd year in uni ----> July break (work??? ) ----> After graduation ----> Work for the rest of my life...

Workaholic is what I was being referred to by my friends. But honestly do you think I enjoy working??? That question was never brought up.... The guilt was what prompted me to work in the first place. Would someone in my place feel comfortable sitting at home for 3 months not doing anything productive with her time while her dad leaves for work 5 days a week to support us? Go right ahead and tell me whether I'm wrong...

There was hardly any time in between for me to actually stop and question myself WHAT is it that I truly wanna do ? Currently my life is no different to a well planned schedule that leaves no space for any changes. There were hardly any options given for me to decide and actually sit down and thoroughly question myself. As much as I wanted to go home in July for the past 2 years, it was never possible due to financial constraints. The obvious answer to any open invitation for a trip to other states in Aus is a NO! and I hardly watch any movies in Aus because I simply can't afford them...

Sorry.... i am just having a pre-exam meltdown at the moment.... I'll be fine tmr.

Update 1: I crashed and burnt last night but yet able to slowly pick up the broken pieces and super-glue them tightly until the 15th of June 2010. Thank god my eyes weren't that swollen this morning .... tehehehehehe...