My life long journey

2011-10-13T22:26:00.001+08:00

Wordpress is up and running!

And I found a reason to go home less often now :)

Let's leave it at that okayyyyy?

Bye!

2011-09-28T23:14:00.002+08:00

Some clarification........

I've changed.

Physically, emotionally and mentally.

Some already witnessed the physical changes... But it'll be a slow and gradual change.

Ex-colleague said I look happy. He knows me well so trust him to notice first.

I've set my goals and found my motivation. Keep the good and never lose sight of it.

Anyways, find me next on Wordpress but it won't be so soon so do be patient.

The end

2011-09-12T22:51:00.005+08:00

The external injury is more painful this time round....

Only because I am surrounded by great friends :)

They have the capability to cheer me up almost immediately.

The ex-colleague who sent me off ytd; the best friend whom I was busy msgin on the bus; the neighbour who accompanied me for dinner today; the new colleagues who will keep me occupied the weekends to come. They kept my emotional well being in check the past 2 days.

It won't always be Daddy who will be waiting for me at the other end now. I learned how to trust some of the closer friends to be there when I need them and also the ones whom I need to careful with.

It'll be a slow and steady recovery process since it takes time

Sleepless nights and nightmares.... Begone!

Anyway, on the side note, this will be the end of it.
I made a mistake and I am gonna correct it NOW.
I am officially gonna stop this clearly exposed blabbing of mine.
Let's go back to old school stuff like emails, calling, text msging and MSN chatting.
U guys will know where to find me :P
My last post eva!
Tata!

2011-09-08T21:19:00.002+08:00

A honest question replied with an earnest answer ......

That's the truth.

I am not lying though it may have seemed otherwise but it was a wise question =)

And this time round, it's the same answer and probably will always stay that way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

已经累了
我不想再追究
有时觉得自己蠢得不得了
当时到底在想什么
后悔也太迟了
我不要再做傻事
必须清醒点

2011-09-05T12:58:00.004+08:00

Someone is back from Thailand.... =)
The best trip for the year 2011 and also the most suffering yet.

I will upload more later on but the complete album will be up on my FB.
This is what I meant as being the most suffering trip ever.
Dizziness, slight fever, diarrhea, vomiting and stomach cramps..... BP is quite low as well.

Can I pls see u guys in the following picture this weekend? =(

2011-09-01T22:47:00.004+08:00

I am gonna hang onto it with my dear life this time round....

Thought I almost lost it but it's still not too late.... I now know what I am capable of losing that is really really close to the heart.

For a moment there, questions started popping up out of nowhere.

Maybe it was because I was tired during the journey home? Miss the family? Miss the best friends who've been there for me through thick and thin from my mental breakdowns to my heartaches? Recalled the painful first year experience in Melbourne?

And so happened that day, me and the younger one wondered how different things would have been if we did not lose someone 10 years ago?

But fear not, I am done asking for more for now. Little do I realize that my life is close to perfection and I am probably just short of another one thing before I can proudly say "My life is perfect!"
Not quite sure whether I am close but not quite there yet at the moment. Left that one more thing that is not quite headed the way I expected.
Move on lor.... No big deal!

Most importantly, she is slowly back to being herself. True to herself and the ones around her. Back to being slightly crazy, talkactive, funny, cheerful and chirpy. Once u start seeing her laugh until she cry then u're on the right track :)

6 years of friendship

2011-08-27T14:13:00.009+08:00

Just like the good ol' days where all of us would go together for our annual new years' eve countdown together. Did for 2-3 years in a row without fail.

Now it's time to meet up once again just like before the time we all left to different parts of the world to further our studies.

How did all of u ended up in UK again while I went to Aus instead? hahaha. I really wish I went to UK instead but what is done is done....

Another typical Saturday night meet up after dinner but the most meaningful and fruitful of them all.
I am about to meet the best friends:-

Eugene who I've not seen for the past 4 years and I really miss him :(
Pei Jie who I've not seen for about 2 years ever since she left for UK. I miss all the little chit chats and gossiping. My best girlfriend in high school and ppl used to say how cute we were when we walk together because of the height difference.
Resh who's been around in KL but I haven't had the time to meet her.

Did not realize that the 2 ladies were together in the car right in front of me while we made our way to SS2 for a drink at 10+pm. And just slightly before that, I scolded Gene via sms since he was about to FFK me for the 2nd time round. I waited for him for 2 hrs plus the first time and yes, I was quite pissed since it was a no-show at the end. Let it passed after a while since I can't seem to stay angry with him for some odd reason. The best friends have their way around me with just about anything.

And I was not alone in the car; bro and BK came as well since we all knew each other. BK is in S'pore as well since he is doing his internship. I hugged the girls before we sat down and order our drinks while the 2 passengers of mine sat separately since we wanted to catch up privately.

Gene came in shortly. The guys immediately walked over to one another to greet one another.

I love how all my close friends mix well with one another even though they didn't know one another until I brought everyone together during the NYE countdown celebrations that we spent together.

I got it quite badly from the 2 ladies for keeping them in the dark for the past 1-2 years while the guy friend is pretty well equipped with updates from my side. Not quite sure how did that ever happened? hehehehe. I promise to update both of u girls more often from now in kays? :P

So we had to chase Gene away from our table to my bro's table while I update the girls .....

Plenty of updates on our individual personal life, career and studies..........
Truly glad that everyone is doing very well and happy with whatever that they are currently pursuing :) I am not doing too badly myself.
Gene is gonna pursue his Masters in Cambridge come Sept.
PJ is gonna start work on the 5th in a law firm. I have a best friend who is about to be a lawyer! :P
Resh is about to finish her studies and is currently interning in a PR firm.
BK, my neighbour is doing quite well with his actuarial studies in UK.

The girls left around 12am since they have a curfew. Bid them goodbye with big fat hugs and promise we'll meet up the next time I come back. The 2 guys came over to join us after that.

I brought my brother along for a reason.
I only entrust 2 of my best guy friends to do my share which would be to knock some sense into that immature mind of his. It works all the time! :)
That is how it works for me... It's a given that both my dad and brother know all my close friends. My best friends and close friends from high school all the way to University. Works out the same for my brother's friends as well.

We left about 30 mins later and Gene is now one head taller than me =_=
Will u just stop growing already? Geez...
Tentatively, I'll be seeing him 2 weeks later when I come back again but u'll never know what might come up then.

Alright.... Let's wind back the clock a lil before that yumcha to dinnertime + family time @ Midvalley.
Met the cousins again :D They are just too cute for me to resist playing with them and taking their picture.

And on Friday night.....

The gentlemen carried me and Lynn's laptop bag while we make our way to the restaurant for BKT. Sungguh muka tembok when we walked right up to him and asked: "Can u carry my laptop bag for me?" hahahaha.

Best friends are back in action.... :)
At least now I can FOCUS 100% on the ones that are important.
Never lose sight of the ones that I've set my eyes on.

2011-08-24T22:04:00.003+08:00

Daddy oh daddy....
Do not ask your precious daughter again why is she coming back so often!
Do not ask the obvious =)
You just need to ask
- What time is she arriving in KL?
- Where to pick her up from?
Done!

Not why is she coming back!!! *tsk**tsk*
Partially my fault since I called him twice in 2 weeks to tell him when am I planning to come back.

3 days into the engagement and I am already given sections to do.... Now that's the way to go. One section is a bit on the heavy side but I am determined to meet expectations :)

Mon - Fri routine
6.30am: Get up
7.30am: Takes the bus to MRT station
8.15am: Arrive at Raffles place, Grab bun, newspaper and morning coffee/ tea before heading to office.
8.30am: Arrived in office. Read the papers and have brekkie while I chit chat with the batch mates. Check email or help senior with some misc work.
9am: Leave for clients.
9.30 - 6pm: Work plus one hours of lunch. Work is off topic during lunch.
6pm: Pack up and take a cab to the nearest MRT station.
6.20-6.30pm: Take the MRT to AMK station to catch the last shuttle bus.
7.15pm: On the last shuttle bus to condo.
7.30pm: Dinner and chit chat with Mum's good friend/ the maid/ friend.
8 - 8.30pm: Head back to my unit.
8.30pm onwards: Gym/ hangout at the pool with the kids/ go online/ tidy up the room.
10.30pm: Bedtime!

DISCIPLINE! :)

first weekend.....

2011-08-22T21:37:00.003+08:00

Brunch on a sunny Saturday morning with the cousin sister and her bf. I needn't pay a single cent. Then off to Orchard road for some shopping before they send me home in the afternoon. I am one spoilt kid.
Sought help from my "good food guide" since we were already chatting at night for a yummy lunch on a Sunday afternoon since I'll be meeting a good friend/ my neighbour who lives 3 doors away from my home in KL. Had a good talk while having lunch and drinks for a few hours before we left for home.

Thanks for the gift! :)

Funny how of all places to meet up, we just had to pick this place when we live just a few doors away.

There will be more to come in the coming weeks.

2011-08-20T22:30:00.007+08:00

Last day of training :(

All my beloved colleagues on the same table who sabo-ed me on the very last day ....
The ones who accepted the "real" me and I could happily be myself in front of them without feeling like a complete outcast or even ignored for that matter. They do tease my Mandarin pronunciation all the time since we converse in a rojak language - English and Mandarin but at least we are all conversing in a language I am comfortable with.

Next, drinks at our very own Club house

I left at 8.15pm after 2 bottles of beer since I wasn't in the mood and I stupidly left thinking that I have something to do upon reaching home but learned my lesson. No more waiting in front of the laptop from now on.... They went clubbing afterwards until 3.30am. Kena teruk from colleagues for ditching them :P

Anyway, I am dead come 3rd of September in Krabi. Senior (2nd from the right) was pretty upset that I left early and vowed to feed me loads of alcohol at Krabi. That's my buddy on the right btw.
Doomed! But colleague promised to help me "deng" a few mugs.

Not sure I got told how many times since Day 1 in the firm as to how tall I am and also how I should or should not wear heels to work since I am already the tallest girl of the lot. Amazing how the same person actually told me to wear heels on the same day more often only because it will intimidate the other guys except himself. Not exactly very convincing ..... eh?

3 weeks time but this will be a short one. I have another 2 weeks to work some magic but I won't kill myself in the process so just wait and see :)

They are now my family in S'pore but the ones back home are irreplaceable.
It's nice & comforting to have someone to talk to about her in specific and my problems.
I like the heart to heart talk the past 2 days. I just needed someone to listen and tell me what's the right thing to do. I was worried, tired and frustrated.
But I've fully recovered so back to business :P

And I finally burst! Not through the phone but through twitter. Would have been a really nasty one if I actually did call.

2011-08-19T23:11:00.004+08:00

It's about time....
Not quite sure what triggered it.

hmmm......................

G2 outing

2011-08-16T22:20:00.010+08:00

G2 outing
I shall take the trouble to introduce each and everyone new G2 in our unit... :)

left to right:
JY: Don't quite need the introduction :P
JX: It's all about analyzing and being serious!
Alvin: Criminal level of service when it comes to buying drinks for the girls since he demands that he charge a service fee; my walking GPS in S'pore; My good food guide; my tea break coffee/ tea buyer; our awesome team leader for our table who is always late; claims that he needs to get rid of his alcohol allergy by drinking more?
HK: Surprising level of service when it comes to buying drinks for the girls during lunch; Coffee doesn't work on him despite drinking 2 cups; Sydney-ian; The loudspeaker and joker in our table.
Jon: Small but yet has loads to say and he is one smart little machine; one who can't stand the heat and will sweat like crazy whenever we're out for lunch.

ZS: One intelligent woman and we'll see great things from her. Another shopaholic of my kind. Put both of us together and we'll spend all your $$$.
Wendy: My "kaki" who talks a lot and has loads to say about my remarks. Not sure when did I offend her but she just loves to "char" me. The loudspeaker in our table.
Michelle: Got to know her only for 2 days but a nice person to work with.
Lynn: Sweet sweet girl!
YuGuang: barely know her but she looks fierce! hahaha.

WS: Enthusiastic whenever it comes to class exercise which is GOOD!
I Ting: Laughs for no particular reason and the way she laughs is too funny so we all end up laughing too.
Edna: My fellow Malaysian who is also tall! yay!
YZ: Don't really know her well :(
Melissa: One gorgeous and active girl!
JX: A girl who is fairly quiet but super ladylike.
Erin: Also from Melbourne but Monash. This girl owns 3 Ferragamo shoes and they cost AUD 650 each!!! O-M-GEE! So obviously the rest of us made fun of her for the rest of ytd and she refuse to talk to me! OOPS!
Yours truly looking all tired after walking for a good 15-20 mins in sky high heels to Chinatown.

Group shot! Cheers!

Stomach aching as we speak from laughing too much.... :'(
They just won't stop making fun of my mandarin ! *roar*

I think I gave the wrong answer when asked by the new colleagues *sigh.....*
Oh well...... It's still not too late!
The Krabi trip is gonna be awesome!

Same goes for the F1 race coming up in Sept! :) :) :)

I seek the happiness and I will find it! It's just the beginning!
The days are almost over !
Once a month is a safe option :)

2011-08-14T01:46:00.005+08:00

It's tiring to go back and forth like that! :(

Planned return dates : -

9 - 11th September

21- 30th of Oct (Exam! :( and Daddy Sim's b'day!)

5 - 7th Nov

24 - 27th Dec (X'mas eve Celebration!)

30th - 2nd Jan 2012 (New Years' Eve Celebration!)

Tentatively once a month since I vowed to save up on $$$.

And trust the girlfriends to make me a happy kid on a Saturday afternoon~~~!

My treat next round! :D

Durian cake <3

Red velvet cupcake and macaroons!

Blueberry tofu cake?

*********************************
Only to have 2 person ruin it all on that night itself

Some people are just not worth the time and effort.....
I couldn't be bothered anymore.
They frustrate me too much and it's wearing me out.

I am gonna put my career ahead of the rest from now on.
That is the only thing left ahead that seems somewhat promising.
The only pathway that is brightly lighted up.
The only goal that I can work towards with confidence.
From once in 2 weeks to once a month, who knows when will the next time be?
Vowed to be happy by starting afresh!

I believe she would have been proud of me! :)

2011-08-10T21:06:00.005+08:00

I now have a walking GPS in S'pore!

Awesome colleague actually helped me research the fastest and most efficient way to get to the bus terminal from clients' place!

Recognize the handwriting ? XD
I was a lil desperate so I used the given sweets to brighten things up a bit!
Sabo-ed my colleague by telling our instructor that it's her b'day and fed her Starbucks cheesecake thereafter!

Can't wait for this weekend to be back home in KL. Home sweet home....
I won't be back for another one month after this weekend. The next scheduled return will be mid-Sept for the family gathering during Mid Autumn festival.

Neighbour in KL will be here starting next week for 1 month plus, heading to Krabi in 3 weeks time, college friends will be down for a bit in Sept to visit.

Clearly Daddy Sim is frustrated with me for keeping such a low profile ever since I arrived here. Same goes for some friends whom I failed to notify and also ex-colleagues whom I failed to update @_@
My bad.... I apologize.

And make fun of me since I've already put on weight :(
Not good not good! The "fei po" needs to fit into her 2 piece in 3 weeks!
Hence, it's gonna be all about Kiara Hill this weekend. No more excuses.
Let's hope my car is still around since I am fully booked on Sat morning itself until dinnertime!*fingers crossed*

One week

2011-08-07T20:53:00.006+08:00

Babysitter for 2 days and probably more days to come to 4 kids....

If there is one part where I excel in, it'll be this area.

I chase them to bed at night before going to bed, pick up the mess after them, chase them to have breakfast before I "run" to catch the shuttle bus to work, check that all of them are back home at night before locking up, buy supper for the 2 growing boys only to have them finish my breakfast for the next day as well, help them with their homework :P

Nostalgic... It's been a while since I last felt this "motherly"
I can get used to this :D
Kinda made me realize how much I enjoy taking care of the younger ones
"Jie Jie! Ni hao!"
That's what I hear each time I see them.

Krabi in 3 weeks time with the new colleagues
Found a new close friend amongst the new colleagues :)
Not meant to serve as a replacement to the following though. LOL!
We all need someone whom we can trust at work! :P

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One week and counting..... :)

So far so good
Looking at how things were right before I left, I think I made the right decision.
And I believe I have some of the best girlfriends around :P

Anyway, back to some fun stuff! I'll try not to post up so much emo stuff from now on :)
So... this girl decided to make a trip to Johor on Sat despite being unwell and smartly took the longer route so she basically took 2 hrs +++ to arrive in Johor.
Oh well.... Lesson learnt!

Took this from the taxi.
Pretty rainbow

Fun fair in Johor

The 3 brave auditors! hahahaha.

The view from the unit balcony...

The truth will reveal itself with time. I was actively seeking it at one point but I guess it's not really worth the effort. Was not easy especially when it's not from one side.
I am just gonna do what I do best for now, be there for the ones that need me.
I'll be your friend and listener.
I'll do my very best.
This is the real me back in high school. This post is probably the evidence.
http://balaulicious.blogspot.com/2006/12/life-in-balau-in-4-paragraphs.html

2011-08-04T21:17:00.005+08:00

NOT good AT ALL!

Down with a bad cold and got caught in the rain 3 times since I came to S'pore.

Daddy is sick too! My fault actually ...

Sigh...........

Got caught in the heavy rain today during lunch hour and it was a long stretch for this one .... but colleague bought me hot coffee afterwards so that made up for the horrible weather ...

hahahaha.

My turn to buy tmr since coins is a big no no for that colleague of mine! What is it with people and coins? LOL.

and I just started searching for good food in S'pore!

Few months down the road.... I foresee myself going back home less often. That's my honest opinion. Even if I do, it's for the 2 important ones.

I've already released my grip and I am doing great on my own. I am now less emotional and less dependent. Not at my happiest but I am happy and satisfied.

I run to catch the bus in the morning, squeeze with the rest of the population in S'pore in the MRT, join the "stampede" at Raffles and do the same all over again after work.

Fast becoming close friends with my batch mates from the same dept(planning plenty of upcoming activities: Dragonboat training, wakeboarding, badminton etc)!

Thank god they dun drink so so much here since my only way around is the public transport.

One is 4 years my senior but yet so full of nonsense. That should be the way :P

The other three currently located at Menara Perak are kept in the loop as I still email them everyday using my work email.

2011-08-01T21:33:00.005+08:00

Day1: Orientation..........

New colleagues whom I'll be seeing around quite often....

Day 2: Orientation + dinner and drinks

The only way to start anew is to let go of the past and move on.
I found it relatively easier knowing that the much needed distance is there.
Quoted this from a colleague:
"It takes a min to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone...."

I'll be spending more time with the 2 boys from now on.
Feeling at ease and more relaxed. I found my peace.
I miss home but I don't hate the new company.
Let's just say that they are easier to manage and easy to please.
Less of a headache and complication but more carefree and energy are involved.
Badminton was never this ridiculous and basketball was never this fun at night.
I might request to come back early everyday from work just to accompany them for sports.

2011-07-30T17:16:00.003+08:00

Bits from Friday night......

Drank too much that night since I unintentionally declared war against the males and it was 8 vs. 6 and going to Singapore so did not help in that situation....

8 big bullies + Chivas + Coke = Not a good but fun night......

I could still walk but had the urge to puke thanks to someone's (u know who u are!) apparent understanding with the rest of his kind that made us females the target.

And yet again I do not understand how is lipstick the same as lipgloss? Grrrr.....

I will be landing in LCCT on the 12th of August so till then! :)

It's time for a new start with new people but the familiar ones will not be forgotten such as the little cutie below whom I bump into at Mid Valley the night before I left KL. She was happily showing off her injection to us. hahaha.
A new beginning............

There is another small room behind that door with a single bed.... :)

The last ..........

2011-07-28T20:42:00.002+08:00

On replay ..... ♥

A fresh start with settled feelings?
Hopefully the lingering feelings will die down with time.
I just hope I am being completely honest with myself on this and not in denial.

I could do with .....
A heart to heart talk with the best friends ....... let's talk until the wee hours of the morning if we have to for old times' sake..... or until I get the answers I seek.

Tomorrow will be my last day at PwC. A place where I made new colleagues/ bosses turned friends. Leaving was probably one of the hardest decision I had to make but I have no regrets.
I just wish I knew whether there was the possibility if I had not killed it right from the start by notifying one of my departure in Aug.
But we will never know the answers for sure until I am fairly certain I am not in denial and the rest of the world is not lying to me.

2011-07-26T13:00:00.004+08:00

Was hot and cold but warm now .... Just the way I like it. :)
I am not gonna be greedy.

Personal space is a given from Monday onwards but I shall not abuse it....
I will come back often as promised.

Daddy Sim's 60th b'day is coming soon....
Time to start planning !

Keep the options open for u will never know what future has in store for u
Get the colours right and u will find happiness.....
U are important to some.... more than u actually realize.
Just a matter of HOW important and WHY ?

I know who are the ones that are important in my life.... Do u? XD

And dear readers of mine, I am granting u permission to knock some sense into me IF (highly likely!) I ever end up whining about having to take the public transport everyday to work and also about my new lifestyle in the little island. This spoilt brat needs to learn how to grow up and stop whining just because she has blood red lines on her arms from carrying her uber heavy luggage while taking the public transport!

So feel free to kindly remind this pampered kid or nag me if u need to!

2011-07-24T13:33:00.003+08:00

I just had to do what I do best~~~! Annoy the younger one :P

2 childish ones that never fail to drive Daddy Sim up the wall with our nonsense.
Whether it'd be tickling him until he can't take it no more or whacking him with a pillow or kidnapping his precious bolster to my room or just sitting on each other since we're two equally heavy buffaloes or hijacking each others' bed and messing it up or me quietly placing heavy dictionaries on the one who is doing push-ups.... hehehehe.

###########################

I'll miss u too~~~~! :P but i'll see u real soon....

Taken @ TDH in TTDI

Distance may not necessarily be an obstacle

but a test of true friendship.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dad: "Soooo.... no appointment today?"

Me: "No."

Dad: "Don't have to work?"

Me: "Working from home."

Dad: "So how are u gonna get to the airport on Tuesday?"

and I went on to tell him my plan for the week.....

Dad: "Oh... Okie lor. But your brother might not be able to follow us to the airport."

Me: "Nvm la."

I don't think the cost of my plan crossed his mind but at least we're both happy :)

I proposed to transfer SGD600 next month onwards to him as my savings and he will execute the plan! Watch the shopaholic me do this! I might even have to come back less often :(

Gonna be broke every month! *sobs*

and also to cut down on the drinks (if possible once every fortnight and not every weekend?) :P

and start exercising more often (My colleague is gonna be my new Kiara hill "kaki"!)

2011-07-21T22:48:00.005+08:00

Let if flow for that's the best solution for now.
Not gonna push it for it will come running back if important.
The evidence was quite clear and the justification seemed somewhat vague which added to the distance.
I was then reassured that I'm on the right track- follow my instinct and I'll find my answer.
Had the answers but refuse to accept them as usual.
What I needed and what I seek were apparently worlds apart. And again this I had to be told.
Who was I to think that I am different? I am easily replaceable(maybe not to a fraction) :)

I wanna untangle this mess asap even if it means getting hurt in the process.

Friends come and go.... I did not lose many but gained plenty. Persistent most of the time but I also have my patience limit. I am gonna hang onto the ones that matter the most despite being separated by the sea and the return is currently scheduled once every fortnight. Date yet to be decided but booked for drinks both nights.

And it's here.... The emo friends & colleagues.... The hugs.... The "take care".... The "keep in touch".... The card.... The handshakes....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Someone finally understands the logic behind my decision. A 95% accuracy and a belief rather than an expectation that I will do well wherever I choose to go.

Perseverance and determination vs. the insecurity.

Let's work on the weaknesses and build on the strength
for I seek to be a better person in life.

2011-07-17T01:25:00.012+08:00

Finally came to a consensus with my boss....

A mutual agreement that will ensue in one years' time....

Sometimes I hate how much he can actually read my thoughts and personality as well as know exactly what I'm lacking

****************************

The faint-hearted is about to be played again.....

sigh............

2011-07-13T21:22:00.005+08:00

The heart is currently having a tug-of-war

but I am gonna let myself be happy.

Just be true to yourself and the world will learn to accept you for who you are.

Stopped trying to be someone I am not

and

it's back to basic.

It's all about the fun side of me from here on :)

I have already accepted the loss and I have nothing more to lose....

Even if I do not gain something out of this, at least I made a new friend.

2nd half of this year:

Melaka with the girls, Singapore for work, Johor only because my colleague insist that I pay them a visit (LOL! he is gonna read this and I am gonna get into trouble), Krabi with the new colleagues come August, Sarawak with the family ...

2011-07-08T22:54:00.012+08:00

As expected, it was not easy to actually open the emails with reply or pick up the calls

from all the ones I truly cherish

expressing their unwillingness to let me go....

Afraid that they might actually be capable of holding me back ...

Tears immediately started flowing.......

The memories..... The good times.... The arguments ..... The late nights.... The laughter.....

The inside jokes.... The unity.... The support... The teachings...

Last but not least,

THE FRIENDSHIP

I am about to leave behind a great and wise teacher, great friends who have my back all the time, an "older brother" who has been there

and

____________

to throw myself out into a foreign place

where I am then force to act like a responsible adult, learn to grow up and stop relying on others, experience hardship so that I'll be more appreciative of the given, more likely to make mistakes or rather fail and learn it the hard way so as to become wiser.

Not entirely sure who is capable of blocking my path at the moment but I sense watchful eyes

and might I dare say some that will soon follow in my path?

Would you actually try and stop me from going because u know deep inside I am about to make a mistake? ;or

Would you actually follow me to be there to lend a hand when I fall? ;or

Would you rather quietly watch from afar and watch me pick myself up?

It would be great if perhaps in the near future, I see more familiar faces but please let that be a decision you make on your own.
*******************************
Friends said I should not let go just yet :)

Told me to follow the heart.......

**************************************
BR Ice cream outing with brother and ex-neighbours

MCD afterwards

Followed by house visiting ....

Tekken 6 time
FIGHT!

AND

I have a trip coming up next Saturday ! :) *excited*

******************************

Those who know the exact date,

you people know where and when to find me and how to contact me.... :)

Keep in touch always! XD

Walkthrough

2011-07-07T16:03:00.007+08:00

From this...........................

to this.....And then this.....

New year eve countdown

The college days..............Teacher's day

The uni days................

and then this.....

Next destination would be...............

Traveled alone the past 2 days in the above mentioned place.
Fellow colleague asked:" Why travel alone?" to which I answered:"Erm... because the rest of the world has to work?" :)

It did do me some good. Maybe not so much on the physical and health sense but yes to the rest.

Had the time and ample space to reflect and clear this clouded head of mine. The time to think things through knowing that I can only be contacted via my S'pore no. on my mobile by the close ones and being in a foreign place where there would be fairly less familiar faces around.

The time to ponder ... whether it'd be while I was on the MRT or when I was wandering aimlessly in the shopping malls or when I was trying to find my way around the city with a map in my hand and luggage in the other or while I was having a cup of hot Mocha at Coffee Bean or during the bus ride with my iPod plugged in and eyes closed.

Figured it won't be an easy life for the next 3 years but a girl has to do what she has to do......... :)

At the end of the day, my decision is perceived by the rest to be some of the following:
a) Stupidly stubborn
b) Ambitious
c) Rational
d) Greedy
e) Money minded
f) Silly and Immature
g) Coward
h) Opportunist
i) Selfish
j) Reckless

Your verdict is..........?

2011-07-04T19:56:00.003+08:00

EXACTLY WHEN will all these nonsense come to an end? It will reach a point where I literally burst and it will be no pretty picture.

Right after I let it all out, it has to come back and bite the next day itself.

All the blaming, yelling, door slamming and ego! I could seriously do without any of that!

We learn from our mistakes and occasionally we do repeat them. But it is not meant to be used as our weakest point each time one makes a mistake almost similar to that. It's like putting a knife to the wound rather than allowing it to heal ..........

And in the end, u'll see a scar - a really deep one that will change them for the rest of their life.

The self-esteem was trampled on and anything/ everything u do in the future is never gonna be good enough. Did it to me and now u're doing the exact same thing to the little one.

The precious one I spent the past 10 years protecting so that he will never be like me in the future. The hope that he will grow up with confidence, knows when to stop pushing himself, not spend half the time living in the shadow of his mistake and always determined.

We'll get through this.... I believe we will eventually. That is what I pray to God every other night before bedtime :)

2011-07-01T09:00:00.004+08:00

Happy.................. :)

Updates, pictures and video will be up soon!

Heading overseas next week, Farewell dinner for me planned by colleagues this weekend, futsal match, holiday next weekend, drinks tonight, and more tmr night with colleague and his friends?

2011-06-25T14:44:00.008+08:00

Which of the following three is your cup of tea? :)

a) Crystal clear
b) Translucent
c) Opaque

___________________________________________________________

(a) speaks their mind openly with minimal constraint
(b) expresses their thoughts as and when the need arises
(c) conveys when prompted

Sometimes I wish I understood. So stubborn and persistent. Must it always be crystal clear before I'm willing to let go? Other times, I just feel like giving up completely only because I am tired and fed up. And it is times like this that I end up telling my all to others. My dreams, my problems, my hopes, my sorrows, my history.... naturally building an invisible "wall" in between .....
Sense a slow divertion in the heart.... but yet the other is too deep to be detached anytime soon.
It should have been this way long long time ago .... Painstaking but less of an impact.

~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~
Well aware that I made a few colleagues/ friends worried this week but be rest assured that I am back on track and back to how I used to be.
Forgive and forget.... :)

This is how my Friday night and weekends should be like............

Friday night: Dinner and drinks with colleagues. Talked to a colleague on the phone for 1.5 hours (honestly don't remember all the things we talked about that stretched on for that long but definitely managed to solve my dilemma and cleared some doubts ....)

It's not easy when people or rather when I myself start questioning my own decision.... The very decision I made 6 months ago. That's when a third parties' opinion matters... One who has been there and done that.
Another addition to that long list of people who wants me to stay but will eventually support my decision regardless.

Sat: Slept in until 2pm.... Sent the kid to Library... Watch some dramas.... Out with family for dinner and some shopping .... Movie and supper with colleague thereafter... talked on the phone for an hour AGAIN(more specific to the perplexity of my personal life this time round)!

Sunday: Brunch with college mates.....

tea time with uni mates.... took their Golf GTI for a drive on Sprint. Felt really good XD
Dinner with bro
and it's about time I pick up this old hobby of mine....?

2011-06-21T01:48:00.004+08:00

Breaking point..... A close call........

The pain and frustration was almost too much to handle....

But 3 machas made good use of their ears and effort. They managed to drag me back to sanity; I was dragged by the hand out from work area by force and the truth was forced out of me; the others were by way of listening and responding ............
Batch mates picked the right time and I managed to catch a breath of fresh air... One of them even gave me a much needed hug :)

Disappointed that something didn't quite work out the way I wanted it to be ..... the expectations set were too high, hence, the greater the disappointment. I refuse to be the one continuously pushing for possibilities for it's too tiring and confusing at the same time;

Trouble at work ........ I don't need an enemy; I could do with more cooperation, courtesy, understanding and respect for one another; Who exactly is trustworthy and reliable? Who would be the first on your list when in need of help?

Badly in need of a break/ time to myself/ proper sleep/ family time/ someone to trust and rely on ...... and the list goes on.

*****************************************

About time I learn how to place my trust in my colleagues.................

They have one enemy in common ----> ME!

Reason: They opt for a JY who is less stubborn, less stressed up, less of a workaholic and not push herself too hard.

Generally feeling better after ranting out to them and reassured that they'll ALWAYS ALWAYS cover my back when the tough gets going provided I do not kill myself in the process.... :)

But only to have the frustration escalate right after that ....

Exactly how am I gonna leave them this coming July?

2011-06-17T09:16:00.010+08:00

Good but is it enough?

seems reassuring but yet somewhat ambiguous.....

The confusion never left and neither did it decrease....

but it's probably the one and only motivating factor left....

***********************************

The team is slowly falling apart especially the core.....

Demotivated, exhausted and clearly fed up with the rush and never ending long hours

though we feel like giving up every other day, at least we can always trust one or the other to lend a helping hand
and cover for the other when the need arises.

I could do with more sleep, a less emo/easily agitated me, a massage, a "shoulder" to lean on and a hug :(

***********************************

I miss my housemates and friends..... :( So badly wanna vent out but yet nobody is prepared to listen.....
And even if they are, they are in another country and I do not get timely feedback :(
Honestly tried to complain to someone but was sadly ignored quite a number of times before I was even close to starting....

Always the listener but never the one who complains..... That's me alright.

So the best thing to do now .... is Shut Up and keep it all inside until it overflows .... Won't be a pretty picture but it's not for the rest of the world to know when or even see.

All thanks to my boss, the current gossip in office at the moment is that I have a new bf.
And I truly believe that I'm really silly.... Statement of fact!

Just another Monday ................

2011-06-14T00:45:00.003+08:00

A sms came in on the way back from work which insists that I reply that very msg once I reach home to reassure him that I am back home safely .....

Upon reaching home after a long day at work, I found the lil kid looking all forlorn and teary in the eye. He has clearly been crying for the past few hours while waiting for his older sister to return home from work. I knew this day would come but didn't expect it to be this soon. The kid was clearly in pain and hurting inside from the realization and guilt that will probably haunt him for years to come. As painful as it may seem, this is only and best way to make him grow and mature.

Told me that he realised that Dad suffered a lot the past few years (to which I already knew) but just unsure of the extent. It was until he told the specifics that tears finally started falling. Both of us miss her really badly and cried in silence for a few minutes. Not the first time it happened but it's the strength we needed to regain which pulled us through the past 11 years.

And above all that, I needed to be the strong one. The determined and steady one who needs to stay focus and guide the kid along the way until he matures and ventures out into the world. Did a pretty decent job in the past but slowly beginning to fall apart from the weight of the world.

My long working hours and job is wearing me out. Not physically exhausted but mentally and emotionally. The little one needs someone at home to listen and guide him. The need to perform as expected at work (it came in a package with the WOW award I won at work). Plus, the need and longing desire for me to breakfree from all these and finally seek the things that I want to achieve in life.

Colleague was clearly worried by now that I've not replied his msg. Told him I have some issues to settle and I am back home safely. He replied: "I think I know what its about. Just take care."
To which I replied:"So sorry I can't tell u much!"
And to which he replied:"No worries. Just telling you that I'm here if u need me :)"

And to this very day, these are the people that make my life all that worthwhile and colourful. No matter how dull one side may be, I always have them to add some colours to it.

The friends also made me realise things or details that I may have overlooked more often that not. Knocked some sense into my head on Sunday night that I should stop hoping for miracles and instead make them happen. Uncertainty clearly exist right before my eyes but yet I was blinded by hope and a wish that maybe and just MAYBE a miracle will happen. It was already a race against time and opportunities do not wait for people. That was when I made up my mind that I am gonna leave....

2011-06-09T20:56:00.005+08:00

Where to go from here.......?

Decisions .... Decisions.... Decisions.....

A friend told me on Thursday to

just go with the flow .... I should not be affected by the littlest thing and learn how to be firm about my decision

and also said "Please find someone who will look after you well and cares about you more than himself
for u are completely hopeless when it comes to taking care of yourself. I'm afraid u might just "kill" yourself one day."

*Ouch!* But sadly the truth.....

Clearly a champion when it comes to caring for others but a big time loser when it comes to myself.

The past, the uncertainties, the ignorance, the greed, the ambition, the expectations...........

It's about time I learn how to let go and manage them well for it's slowly eating me up.

Stayed up another night in office...... :( but on a voluntary basis. Couldn't get myself to leave when my colleague/ friend decided to pull an all nighter. Only because he is a close friend.
Dad is clearly not too happy about!

And my engagement partner is awfully kepo! LOL! Worst part is he reads ppl well and he noticed something that is best left unnoticed.
But oh well......

The road ahead

2011-06-06T23:41:00.004+08:00

True friends amongst my colleagues..............

A gentle reminder once in a while that I am being too harsh on myself more often than not......

Honest and sincere advice that show that they really do care.....

And I can trust them to give me a good scolding each time I become weak and vulnerable or even when I think way too much :)

One immediately came to my defense just recently when I was caught offguard and particularly vulnerable at the same time. Not exactly the best combination ever but they came to my rescue at the right time. One acted upon intuition upon seeing my pale expression (both of them said I turned pucat almost immediately) while the other comforted me thereafter.

Despite the long working hours for the past 3 months, both of them are probably the ones that kept me afloat all these while at work since the close ones are all overseas at the moment. Funnily enough, they are both younger than me- one who is exactly like my younger bro and equally annoying while the other can really nag. hahahaha. And no doubt they'll know all my dirty little secrets at work ..... :p

Onto whether I've finally made a decision to stay or leave in a few months time....
it entirely depends on whether it is one sided (to which I believe it is) or the feeling is
mutual. For now, the signs are unclear and I am on a road full of uncertainty. Really impatient but awfully defensive at the same time.

Hopefully by the end of this month, I'll reach an intersection where the roads are visibly clearer and I would have made up my mind by then. It's gonna be hard to leave with unsettled feelings.

It's a race against time.......... One month is too short a time for me to get the full picture but yet I need to make up my mind real soon.

The change and perhaps a new beginning?

2011-06-04T02:06:00.003+08:00

Slowly and yet gradually turning into someone I am not.....

Gone were the days where my life and world practically revolves around my family and ONLY them! Nothing else!

Their expectations; their needs; their well being; their happiness.... Would daddy be happy with my exam results? Can I help the family save money? Would I have enough money to send my brother overseas? Am I carrying out my responsibilities well? Do I need to do better?

And yet each time I fail to realize that each sacrifice I make takes a toll on my wellbeing and happiness. Spent half my lifetime trying to please the parent and playing the role of the lost one. It was never an option but more of an obligation as well as the expectation.

Right until that very day where it all fell apart.... I did my very best to fill up the missing space for the little one but yet failed miserably. Tried to protect him but ended spoiling him. Tried to save money for his future but almost "killed" myself in the process by overloading.

Reliance was never something I considered. I was too independent and refuse to rely on anyone but myself. Dad learnt his lesson when he was left all alone to bring us up.

It never actually crossed my mind that one day in the future, the mental strength that I've accumulated diligently over the years would eventually fall apart. I lost touch of my old self: - the once cheerful, chirpy and optimistic girl.
Maybe and just maybe I need something or someone to make sure my base is fundamentally intact. Is it about time I let go of the past, learn to trust and perhaps be ready to be committed?

Never been happier

2011-05-07T02:18:00.002+08:00

A balance is what I seek! And I've found what I sought to seek.

Finally, a balance between my personal life and work life!
Movie and a couple of drinks with batch mates once every fortnight; late night supper/ meal dates during weekends with uni mates; additional family time(includes ferrying my bro to and from tuition); some time to myself for maintenance purposes(facial, hairdresser etc.) LOL!; a clear defined line separating my personal matters at work which aims to foster a healthier relationship at work.

And I am genuinely happy and contented with that! Doing awesome at work and having a great time outside work. Gone were the days where I would quietly place myself in my room on a Fri/ Sat night to study and drown in sorrow while the rest of the world are out having fun. Or even spend the day baking only because I have nothing better to do.

Nowadays, I find comfort in awesome company and food, of course!
Work related gossips are best left to my batch mates to spread; my general interest and personal problems are best left to my non work-related friends; strictly engagement related issues are best left to my colleagues to resolve; career pathway/ welfare issues are saved up for the family and friends; awesome food-hunting would be in the company of my uni-mates; my fortnightly alcohol fix and late night movie dates would be with work batch mates!

And doesn't that cover like every little aspect of my life?

And these are the littlest things that complements during myrare stay indoor: -
Doors opening/ closing and the occasional slamming; Voices of ppl in disagreement(bro vs. dad); Sound of the table being set for meals; The general consensus that everyone should be at the dining table during meals(except if I am at work!)

Like I said, I couldn't be happier! I hope u are too! :)

2011-03-02T22:20:00.002+08:00

Started my new job just about ytd and I don't hate it one bit! Perhaps another week of training but it's seriously fun stuff! :)

Plenty of new faces around and also some familiar ones! In the next month or probably less than 4 weeks, I officially have my very own car to drive around in :)

2011-02-19T14:51:00.007+08:00

I absolutely despise the HOT weather but minus that... life's perfect! :)

Been spending quality time with family, relatives, friends, enjoying good food, consistently working out apart from having a car to zip around in....

This is indeed my busiest week after CNY....

I've been going out non-stop since Wednesday and this will probably continue on for a week. I am suppose to teach my maid how to cook new dishes which I did but apparently it's not enough. hahaha!

a) Japanese food.... Frozen yogurt....Korean food... Dessert... Dinner at Ou... Yumcha at PappaRich
~selfishly trying to relive July 2010 where all 4 of us spent some time together in Melb~

b) Dinner with relatives for Chap Goh Mei... Family dinner for Valentine's...

c) Seafood (Crabs!) dinner ... Chocolates (they belanja me!)... Frozen Yogurt (belanja again!) ... Drinks at PappaRich (belanja juga!)... Hokkien mee, Popiah & Rojak for supper (5 girls at 10pm in 2 cars - thank god I paid for the Hokkien mee this time round!)... Day trip to Pulau Ketam (I needn't pay a single cent and was fed like a pig! :S )
~spent a good 2 weeks or so with these girls before our families' arrived in Melbourne for our grad~
Another round in March when they return to KL which is in 2 weeks' time.
Funnily enough, we fight to pay each time.

d) House visiting... "Char siew" for lunch...
~ thanks for fetching us and also for the lunch LLP!~
In about a week, I am about to face the cruel reality of life... !

So not prepared as I am enjoying myself way too much at the moment !

Happy CNY

2011-02-06T01:04:00.001+08:00

This is what I chose to come back to... and I have no regrets whatsoever :)

2011-01-25T22:28:00.002+08:00

Statement: I don't see why u need to head to Spore to work. Why can't u just stay here and work?

Answer: It's really simple! I am sick and tired of the complains and having to endure groundless accusation every other week. Taking a 2 months break is apparently a mistake. Am I too selfish just to request a short break of 2 months before I spend the rest of my life working? And falling sick is also something to complain about since I apparently passed the germs to u? Not like I had any intention of doing so and took all the necessary precaution. One sorely sticking to all the grumbling, complaining and blaming while the other (of the same kind) only knows how to demand, complain and annoy me to the max whenever he wants something from me. Seriously man, give me a break !

Just this month itself is pure evidence that I simple CANNOT stay put in KL long term and under the same roof.

Which is why I am better off spending some quiet time with my dramas.... Geez!

After Grad trip !

2011-01-16T23:50:00.005+08:00

Made a short trip to Spore on the 11th with the girls - Our lil after grad trip before we all make our way into the corporate world or return to Aussie (education purposes)!

Glad that majority of my dearest and closest friends decided to return home :) However, I will be leaving KL after 6 months .... :)

2010-12-26T11:08:00.002+08:00

Officially a graduate and as of today, it's been exactly one week since I left Melbourne, where I spent the last three years and returned to KL for good. That is until I get that job in Singapore that I want so badly.

I've been keeping a low profile the past one week and yet to inform friends of my return. Fell sick almost immediately upon touchdown at Sepang Airport - must be the air and change in weather plus I needed some time to settle down.

One thing's for sure - It feels great to be back knowing that I don't have to leave after 3 months! Yay to more quality family + relatives time.

Particularly excited about this Friday's gathering at my place :)
My previous maid - closest and best one to date will be joining us since she is now working at my cousin's place. It's been a good 5 years since I last saw her :)

-*excited*-

2 more weeks

2010-12-08T22:03:00.003+08:00

I am enjoying myself way too much in Melbourne at the moment that I wish time would just freeze ....

I am not quite prepared to leave the friends and the housemates.....

And return to a place where a dull working life awaits....

But then again, family and relatives back home are eagerly waiting for my return...

I guess I can't have the best of both worlds....

Grampians I

2010-12-05T20:27:00.027+08:00

And the hiking begins....

他们不知不觉变成了我的＂家人＂。

一直以来孤单寂寞的日子都是过去。。。　这段期间突然变得五彩缤纷；　充满欢乐，　嘲笑，　戏弄，　喊叫。。。

感觉十分幸福。。。

一些老朋友都比不上这些新朋友们。。。

Even though I only just got to know them not too long ago, they showed more sincerity than friends with years long friendship.

To be honest, I was never bullied or teased this much by anyone ever in my entire life but surprisingly, I don't hate it.

They refused to let me run by hanging on to my backpack and I was forced to apply some Vicks to my nose area to subdue my motion-sickness. And this group of girls hate walking empty handed while the rest are carrying stuff. You heard me right! People who actually prefer to carry bags with stuff in them.

One more thing I am totally not used to....

My lower body was buried under the sand today when we went to the beach [I am a pretty golden brown colour now :)] and since it was indeed a substantial amount of time, my legs were numb when I was dragged out and couldn't walk. They actually massaged my legs. The standard response I get each time that happens would be: laughter OR "massage la" BUT not 2 girls getting down on their knees and massaging my legs. Highly unexpected!

Best part about them is they are always really NOISY! Sounds familiar? hahaha!
I think I just found my crowd!

Maybe and just maybe I am not prepared to return home just yet. I am not prepared to be under his scrutiny all the time (constantly comparing, constantly having to do what I've been told, constantly trying to meet expectations, having to defend myself each time I fall short of the expectations).

It's ridiculous how each and everytime I am pretty satisfied with my performance but yet because it fell short of the expectations, I always end up feeling really upset and disappointed. But yet I miss home really badly .....

But thankfully, I gain strength each time and this time round, I made new friends who made my last few weeks in Melbourne an unforgettable experience. They made a "home" in Melbourne; one that I thought do not exist.
I have one more week to spend with them before I end my final year in Melbourne with a BANG! We will continue to meet up in KL whenever possible.

What is this feeling?

2010-12-02T13:00:00.007+08:00

Last few weeks in Melbourne and I end up meeting all kinds of awesome people/ friends! *grumbles*

Which then makes it even harder when the time comes... Everyone will be going their separate ways by the end of this month. I actually found someone who can match my level of craziness/ hyper-ness. hahahaha!

The trip I took from Mon - Wed was probably the BEST trip in my entire life to date. I can't exactly relate how awesome it was - the company, the fun time we had, the food, the atmosphere, the lame jokes, the madness (even though I suffered from motion sickness for a bit).

I don't recall ever having that much fun during a trip. Who would have thought just trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle or playing poker cards could actually make me cry from laughing way too much! I had to save myself from embarrassment by rushing to the toilet to grab some tissues.

Upcoming.....

2010-12-01T19:09:00.004+08:00

Sneak peek of my fantabulous trip .....

Post exam

2010-11-27T20:52:00.006+08:00

Post exam outings....
Had dinner with some friends at a Greek restaurant ....

The food

Meat Platter

Grilled Snapper

Greek Salad

Seafood Platter (Kerry is happy after having her prawns)

Dips

The people I love this picture so so so much!(*points above*)And I am heading over to their place for more fun tmr XD

These people made me laugh until I cried (literally!) and stomach yelling in pain from laughing too much .... :)

The fact that I only got to know them better in my final semester SUCKS big time!
(note: I have only about one month left in Melbourne!)
Despite only being able to spend such a short amount of time with them, memories from these good times will last a lifetime.

I noticed I've been pretty picky with the kind of people I hang out with recently, I won't hesitate to turn down any invites that I am not comfortable with and gladly accept the ones with people that make me feel at ease.

People whom you are not afraid to show your true colours to plainly BECAUSE they are of a similar kind.

It's crazily weird how I end up giggling to myself each time I catch a glimpse of the above photos. I only do that when I look at photos of my cousins.
Get what I mean now?

Update 2: Sushi date

Countdown

2010-11-20T01:03:00.000+08:00

exactly 4 more days till freedom and heaps of fun!

Did I mention how messed up my body is right now?

Constantly getting stomach upset from

stress? improper meals? unintentionally skipping meals? binge eating to calm myself down? not getting proper nutrition? consuming way TOO MUCH coffee (roomie will tell u how many cups I consume in a day)? Irregular sleeping hours (3-5am is my bedtime yo!)? Skipped gym for 2 weeks?

I think I scared roomie off since she decided to stay away from me this weekend! XD

hahahaha.... just joking!

She is out getting that well deserved break while I wallow in misery due to ongoing exams! Have fun missy! I shall hop on that bandwagon of yours after Tuesday! :)

Fun skype date

2010-11-14T18:03:00.007+08:00

Oh how I enjoyed today's skype session.......

The constant bickering between the four....

Me vs. bro vs. Dad & Stepmom

hahahaha.... It has indeed been a while....

Bro with his infamous exam results that led to dad's fury....

Bro tried to defend himself by bringing me in with my version of exam results at his age while sneakily trying to seek assistance from the older sister.....

Dad went on to complain about the kid's horrible results for Chemistry and BM .... saying the kid uses the internet way too often. *cough**cough* Wouldn't that be your fault fault then daddy, for allowing him to do so in the first place? Some pitiful kid here had to negotiate to get a measly 1 hour internet time during her days ok?
Dad also mentioned how he might be able to get a a new car now since there is no point sending the kid overseas. LOL. (No way man daddy dear! I am gonna make sure u get me a car before u purchase that new car of yours!)

Kid still persistently tried to defend himself but to no avail.... since his older sister did much better than him during her time (which probably made it worse). Saying stuff like he did "OK" for BM karangan to which the dad ask "how much?" and the suicidal answer was 50 plus out of 100. Did I not mention how amusing my bro can be? I'll leave u to imagine what happened after he said that ok? hahahaha.

Me, the middle man(woman i mean) tried suggesting some possible corrective procedures to the kid but dad claims the kid is pure lazy and couldn't care less (to which I secretly agreed).

hahahaha.....

To which I concluded by telling the kid "I really can't help you with this. Just let daddy nag ok?" since I am trying to get my sneaky little hands into dad's little pot of luck. Sorry little kid, you're on your own this time.

***************************************

Will I ever be able to retrieve that "glow" I once had?

Someone close once said to me that I have this certain glow on my face each time I erupt with happiness but that was 5 years ago. Sadly, I lost it over the years and never found it back. High school days were some of the best days so it doesn't come to a surprise the fact that I lost it when we advanced to college and went our separate ways.

***************************************
I wanna go home NOW!
***************************************
I guess each and every one of us have our very own comfort zone....
Home has always been my ultimate comfort zone....
Most of the things are carried out the way I am accustomed to.....
I have my fair share of authority and family members respect that....
I won't hesitate to voice out my concern and displeasure ......

I don't need anymore excuse beyond this to convince you as to why there ain't a better place in this world other than HOME!

*sigh.....* Tahan ! I can do this!

2 down and 2 more to go till it all comes to an end

2010-11-12T21:08:00.006+08:00

They are the ones that kept me going; moving forward with great support and love; provide the much needed strength and motivation.... though sometimes we may not end up taking the same path at crossroads, they will come running immediately once I stumble.

Soon... in less than a month time, I will be reunited with the immediate and the rest on the 25th of Dec at my place.

Praying hard that I will do well for my finals *fingers crossed*. 2 down and 2 more to go (this sorta explains the MIA for 2 weeks)

Currently done with the subject that was such a pain to study for but I eventually managed to familiarize myself with the subject content to the extent that I could even recite out two case study for the exam (rarely happens for a subject that I absolutely detest!) .

The last time I actually studied so hard for a final exam (without being distracted way too often) was in first year second semester. It was the exact same reason that gave me enough strength and kept the mental breakdowns at bay.

I guess just the thought of the family and the awesome time we're about to have is enough to give me that much needed push.
I think I've reached that stage where I am mentally and emotionally drained that I end up in tears more often than usual. And it's hard in a way because I can't seem to relate this to anyone but to just bury them deep within my heart until it overflows before I start filling it up once again. I can't blame the friends because it's not something they can work on or even try to fix - it's near impossible. It's difficult unless you've been there and done that....
Only the ones in the following picture are capable of easing the pain and also filling this empty heart with warmth and plenty of cuteness(only applies to the 2 adorable kids). But they are more than 5,000 kilometres away and hard to reach. The bro will amuse me with his level of intelligence (*inserts sarcasm*) and ignorance while the dad bores me with the never ending reminders and priorities.

Plus, certain things have taken a turn for the better with regards to my career prospects. Let's just say things seem to be turning out as expected. However, until I am fairly certain about the offer and also my choice, I can't say for sure what are my plans for the future. We shall wait and see alright? As for now, things are going smoothly.

2010-10-28T19:11:00.005+08:00

You know exam is just around the corner when:....

The library is your new hangout place
The seminar room in a college I always walk past after gym is forever pack with students
I started consuming the tablets I bought back in Semester 1, 2010 (not good! I know...)
Everyone is lugging a textbook around in Uni (including myself)
There are strangely more ppl attending lectures and tutorials

But then again, I have no complaints this time around... :)
I miraculously found a love for my books. However, my only complain is
WHY LAH ONLY IN MY FINAL SEMESTER?

I also stopped working part-time to focus on my final exam and enjoy after before my place gets a little hectic and crowded(u know what I mean!). But it also means that I gotta really start losing weight (geez!). My weight refuse to budge despite hitting gym on a regular basis...

Btw, important announcement here ppl!
My grad ceremony will be on the 17th of Dec @ 6pm
so pls ... do come and take a picture with me okies? The more the merrier ..

Upon returning, I need to pay someone a visit to let her know that I've officially graduated and did her proud! :')

In exactly 2 months....

2010-10-24T18:11:00.003+08:00

Pretty soon .... in exactly 2 months time ... on the 24th of December 2010.....
I will be leaving on the flight bound for KL ..... for good.....
Leaving 2 ladies to fend for themselves....

It's been a long journey together for the past 2-3 years but a great and unforgettable one indeed.

Pre-exam outing

2010-10-23T20:55:00.002+08:00

btw, did I mention how much I miss the ones back home? :( It is however not just confined to family and relatives but also friends (e.g Michelle) hahaha!

Looks like more close ones in Melbourne are actually returning to KL after graduation. Yay to more hang out sessions in KL ! XD
I am one happy women !

2010-10-22T21:36:00.005+08:00

There are certain things in life that are best avoided....

As much as he wanted me to pick that company as a prospective employer, I personally feel that I will never be able to enter that company without relating it to someone close to the heart....

Just when I thought I've gathered enough strength after so many years, this had to come along and immediately brought back the memories I so badly wanted to erase.

Each time someone goes "I am so sorry about that", a fake smile naturally follows suit, with me trying to reassure the other party that I am perfectly fine.

By January 2011, it'll be a perfect 10 years anniversary.

Your presence never left this world. No matter how badly I envy the rest for being so fortunate, I managed to live with no regrets even until today.
I swore that I'll take the responsibility as the eldest in the family with pride and do my very best in discharging that responsibility including caring for the young one & pleasing the older one even if sacrifices must be made.... I am trying my very best to fill up that empty space that u left in the young ones life....

We are more similar than I thought..... I just came to realize that today. What took me so long?

Always putting the ones we cherish before ourselves. Doing wtv it takes to make sure they get the best we can possibly achieve.

The interviewer today made me realize that I am stronger than I thought. Nothing stands in my way once I've set my sight on it.

2010-10-17T12:29:00.008+08:00

OMG! I can't freaking wait for Christmas but that's about 2 months away ! >_< Although it's not the perfect time to crack my head as to what should be on the dessert menu but I am just overflowing with excitement to actually contain it any further.

Tiramisu for the adults ?
and

Perhaps cream puffs for the kids?

Feel free to provide some suggestions to this amateur dessert chef pls?
Note: I don't exactly have ample time to prepare for the dinner as me and the family will only be touching down in KL on the 24th of Dec at 5pm and the dinner is on the 25th Dec *screams* . I probably would have to hijack the car immediately upon reaching home and head to the nearest grocer to grab all my ingredients.
But then again, I think I have plenty of volunteers who are more than happy to be my assistant for the day.

On to a serious matter, I am having a major dilemma concerning my future career. I am not gonna elaborate further on this matter but for those who were informed, pls be more understanding considering the fact that I am in a silent battlefield and highly susceptible to emotional instability.

the uncertainty

2010-10-15T20:35:00.002+08:00

Sometimes when things don't turn out to be the way u expected, u'll end up questioning yourself : Did things really change?

For the better or for the worst?

We won't know for sure...... but one thing is for sure: it's no longer the way it was before.

It lost its' energy, enthusiasm, familiarity and chemistry.

Should we blame it on the substitutes or ourselves?

Humans are naturally greedy, they rarely wait for something good when better options are made available.
A weak and distraught person wouldn't reject an immediate helping hand just to wait for a much later but familiar helping hand.

We probably did the best we possibly could but the distance grew with time.
Can we fix it ?
Probably OR maybe not....
It seems pretty uncertain at the moment.

If only.....

2010-10-12T20:57:00.004+08:00

If only I : .....

am tad bit smarter
am able to buy and spend on wtv I want
don't have the weight of the world on my shoulder
a bit more outgoing and interesting
am luckier in securing the things I worked so hard for
have an adult I can turn to when I am at crossroads
have more confidence in myself
have the trust and support from someone IMPORTANT in wtv I choose to do
have more opportunities in life
don't have to be constantly compared to the ones that are more fortunate
am mentally and spiritually strong

2010-10-11T18:27:00.000+08:00

我真的受够了

为了符合你一直以来的要求，　我受了不少折磨。。。

连我的未来的职业，　你都必须打算吗？我什么时候说过我后悔选择accounting？　

说过这是我的选择，　那为什么要一直动摇我单独的选择？

哭到眼睛都肿了。我不想再为这些事情而难过。。。。

2010-10-06T20:05:00.004+08:00

It's the only way to make sure I am still completely sane by next month.....

I probably should not let certain things get to me so easily but they can't help but catch me completely off guard each time ...

I've completely ran out of energy to even shed tears.... but decided to spend more time in public places instead.

Close to exactly 2 months before the family arrives in Melbourne and about 3 months before I hug my lil cousins till they yell out.

For now, it's gonna be a long and tiring final journey. On the side note, I'm slowly getting better at what I do each Wednesday. Manager was quite impressed with my work today and sang me praises (Note: I had to drink 2 TALL skinny mocha today to get through the day.) Does that give u an idea how exhausted I am at this point?

Went to work at 9am this morning. Left at 5.45pm to the library and hit the gym at 8pm for 1 hour plus before heading home. I must have been pretty frustrated lately with certain things until i overexert myself in the gym today (fail to realise that I was running way too fast so i hit the front of the treadmill a couple of times/ ran faster and longer than usual)

Are u people happy now for constantly putting me under scrutiny? How long do I have to prove myself worthy?

Others exert 70% to get the best .... I exert 200% only to be better...

So exactly when is it my time to shine?

Painful memories

2010-10-04T22:26:00.002+08:00

Having heard about the recent painful encounters experienced by one too many friends or known individuals brought back painful memories from about 9 years fast approaching 10 years ago.

I really can't help but shed tears knowing how painful the experience must have been for them for I know this feeling one too well...

Be strong people! Like how I've been for the past 9 years... They are now in a better place without any pain or suffering.

Say the last goodbye with a smile knowing at least u got the chance to bid farewell ... I never got the chance ....

The many seasons

2010-10-03T19:14:00.003+08:00

Spring is fast approaching .... and before we know it, it'll be summer which also means it's time for exam and grad ..... :)

4 and counting....

2010-10-03T07:37:00.001+08:00

Part of me wants it to stop....
but the kiasu part of me gets all excited each time an email titled "Interview" pops up in her inbox....

Stop because I've reached my limit as being able to tolerate and handle the sudden overwhelming response and invites that comes with the added stress

But the kiasu part is going:" the more the merrier!!!It means u're in demand and highly sought after! " It kinda gives off a good vibe and feeling about yourself....

But watch me crumple to the ground when all of them turn their backs after the interview/ assessments.....

As of now:
1 on the 8th
2 on the 10th
1 on the 11th

Moving on to the lil food party that we had just ytd...

Couldn't really keep my piggy hands off them .....
Played heart attack using poker cards and the poor guy had to eat my infamous sambal .... hahahaha.
yilee feeding him.... ngek ngek ngek

2nd week

2010-09-30T20:08:00.007+08:00

Activities in my second week of holiday :)
Stayed over at llp's place with susu on Saturday night after watching 2 movies and we had brekkie together the next morning.

Next thing I knew, I was so busy prepping for roomie's 20th birthday celebration. I am always up to something fishy XD

Firstly, the cupcakes for the bday girl as well as the guests .... What u see is only 1/4 of the total number of cupcakes I made....

nicely packed into cute little boxes for the guests ....
decorated one specially for lye lye since she had her Gmat exam the next day :)

Dinner at a Japanese restaurant...

and dessert afterwards...

Happy birthday girl! hahahaha!

2010-09-27T22:58:00.003+08:00

Though I haven't exactly been enjoying my holiday to the fullest due to my commitments but I've been spending quite a fair bit of time with close friends this break doing what we do best - TALK and EAT!

Plus, I have plenty of upcoming events scheduled apart from the die-hard exam preparation. Bring on the stressful days and sleepless nights ! I am physically drained as it is right now.... :(
Why oh why do I always pick the most complicated and tiring way of doing things?

I need strength and NOT swollen and puffy eyes!

2010-09-25T13:55:00.003+08:00

Wish I could run to a place where everyone is a stranger and that's where I'll start afresh....

It's like pressing the "reset" button .....

I wanna go on a long holiday which is also a much needed break

Can i?

Is it even fair for me to complain to my dad that I am physically, mentally and emotionally drained? Definitely not... I can't run from my responsibilities...

Sometimes I really hate myself for being less fortunate than the rest and it's the kind that are irreplaceable by definition.

2010-09-23T21:24:00.002+08:00

let it flow freely like it's unlimited....

and dig a deeper hole to bury myself in...

The harder I try, the more I end up hurting myself and also the people who expect me to achieve great things in life....

The more I wanna stand out and prove myself worthy, the more I suffer in exchange and in the end, I get nothing out of it.
Do things I absolutely dislike just to please and live up to their expectations... When will this ever end?

Decmber 11 ♥

2010-09-21T21:15:00.003+08:00

December 11, 2010 is roughly about 2 and a half months away...

But what's with this inexplicable emptiness ?

I think it's a combination of all my worst fears that brought about this ....
p/s i think it's best not to ask

I literally lost interest in everything and anything I do. Appetite dropped drastically, baking suddenly seem so tedious and boring, uninterested in gossips, anti-social ....

Above all that, I feel like calling home everyday, sleep like there's no tomorrow, cry like I have unlimited tears

Best solution so far? library or work by day and gym by night then home to bed...
I need some time alone to think and repent as well as redeem my self-esteem.

It's been far too long since I had a good talk with someone and that's probably the ultimate solution to my problems. Shall have to wait until Si bestie sampai UK and settle all her stuff .... I can't openly discuss this problem I have with anyone else but her... *waits patiently*

And whatever I've been exposed to for the past few days and coming weeks ain't helping one bit but aggravating it further. You know how excited u can get sometimes over something but upon checking out the details, U somehow realize "ok maybe I better not get involved because i'll be an outcast."

2010-09-19T22:35:00.000+08:00

一直不停地提醒。。。不停地比较
难道对我一点信心都没有吗？　

没有一个人知道我毕竟牺牲了多少才能拥有我现在的一切。。。

但最后还是不够。。。　
必须比其它人努力两倍，　但也不确定会有相等的结果。。。

看到身边的人有多幸福和快乐有时是特别的难受。
最后，　我还是得勉强地露出笑容，　假装没事，偶尔会自己偷哭一场或睡个觉，希望明天会是更好的一天。　

希望这个世界会停止互相比较，　希望将来有好事期待着我。

Ball

2010-09-19T00:07:00.007+08:00

I think I really adore simplicity ....

I love keeping things really simple without any aspect to it overly done...
especially my close friends in Melbourne and even back home...

Which probably explains why they are indeed my close friends in the first place. There are certain things we can safely agreed on and reach a consensus without much disagreement. Not sure who are they? (check the previous sushi post ) XD

We love having long girl talks over dessert or dinner; We don't over dress; We are dessert lovers; We are all single (LOL!); We love having quiet dinner together (plus dessert of course!) on a friday or saturday night; We have similar comfort zones ! :)

Next up are some pictures of my latest event.

And I just noticed that Monash m'sia had some ball event that same night.
*sigh* those were the days...

Lye pau! You know u owe me a partay at your house in M'sia! *winks*
Ok! That's it! I'll admit that I miss EVERYONE now! esp Michelle *sobs*
Gotta keep telling myself it'll be over SOON!
I wish I could just stop faking my emotions while I still have a few more months to go :(

Spring break 1

2010-09-16T21:45:00.003+08:00

A quick recap of what I've been up to lately.... Went for sushi buffet with a bunch of girls just today (Thurs) and of course dessert after.
The food .....

More pics to come as my spring break officially begins...

2010-09-13T19:54:00.001+08:00

I am just way too vulnerable ....

As much as I wish I'll eventually turn into a woman with an iron heart, I still can't help but feel a pang of jealousy each time someone I know openly expresses their fortune. The kind of things u long to have but never stood a chance....

Sometimes I wish she is still around so that I at least have someone to turn to for advice on these matters which I can't openly discuss with my peers....

Update 1: As if daddy read my mind last night and sent me an email this morning...

memories

2010-09-11T20:00:00.007+08:00

And so life chose to throw all kinds of random s*** at you.... So do u choose to complain all the way or accept things the way they are and learn to appreciate?

I know I've been complaining about how sucky certain things are and would love it if things were a bit different? Such as being smarter, richer, slimmer, and more fortunate.

I chose the latter to the question above after doing some reflecting today. So what if I have all kinds of S*** around me, I think I have more diamonds around me than I thought.

As much as I despise being in awkward situations where I have to try my best to fit in without looking like an idiot, but yet sometimes I never fail to bring it upon myself. Only because the people are the ones that matter. To be honest, I really dislike going to bars or clubs. To me, they are the absolutely worse place to socialize and have fun.

However, there are also plenty of activities which I'll never get tired of doing over and over again. And these are the little little things that would matter and become some of the best times in my life. I cherish every bit of my remaining days in Melbourne as we can't foresee when I'll ever return to this continent once I board that plane headed for KL. Will we ever have the opportunity to relive that exact same experience with the same people? And have twice as much fun? There is always something to look forward to in the future but there is never a way back :)

Tears will definitely be shed when the time comes but it's now or never ..... I will eventually leave this continent for the people who've dedicated half their life just to provide me with the very best. And now it's my turn to do the same for them. Those who are reading this post at the moment will know how certain experience can't be relived as and when we want. We will therefore, cherish every moment we shall spend together in the coming times so that when we slowly recollect our memories, we can't help but break into a silly smile and shed tears of joy knowing deep down inside how beautiful those memories were.
And tears did flow just from typing this out.... XD That shows u how valuable these memories are to me.

Anyway, here are the photos taken from Amy's bday party .... :)

the cupcakes me and roomie made for the gorgeous bday girl in red !

A close up shots of the cupcakes...

dear cutie pies

2010-09-07T19:16:00.000+08:00

Truth is, it's not just my immediate family that I miss and am deprived off....

It's my little cousins that I really miss :( (yes, more than my brother because they are 10,000,000,000 times more adorable than him! LOL!)

Don't trust me?

Here is the evidence....

The cutie pies... Don't u just feel like pinching her cheeks?
The erm... not so cute brother of mine. Might I just emphasize the fact that the jacket is MINE !
Just received an email from my aunt saying that the boy that just turned 6 recently will be attending primary school next year (Chung Hwa).
Oh.... How time flies ???!!!
AND here is the BEST PART ! They miss me dearly too ! XD *grins*

It won't be long little ones till I return home and play with u all until I run out of energy (I noticed I've been getting tired quite fast recently- a sign of old age perhaps?) Plus, I vowed to feed with all the goodies I bake until I gain recognition from them! hahaha!

Hang on little ones! This "jie jie" will be back soon to play slides and swings with u all and also hide and seek!
God knows how worried I get whenever I play with them. The fear that the swing might just break and I'll go flying (literally!) or the slide might collapse with my weight and the oh so popular hide and seek (EXACTLY WHERE CAN THIS BUFFALO hide ?)

Plus, I just realized that I have 2 "friends" which I got to know the past 6 months or so that got really attached to me. It's just funny how the way things work out to be the way they are now. I got to know them because of work related purposes but I can confidently tell you that they are more persistent than any one of my friends.

By that, I mean they send me emails and FB inbox msges quite often. One back in KL who still sends me FB inbox msges (started in March 2010) until now. Another one won't hesitate to send me an email whenever I don't go in to work. She even sent me a sms just ytd to ask how's the cough and cold coming along and insist that I MUST go in on Wednesday!

I find it quite amusing that these two ladies are actually the type that I usually don't hang out with on a regular basis. Like I said, we got associated with each other purely on work basis but yet they are the ones that are genuinely more concern about my well being in comparison to those that I normally hang out with.

For the added info, they are much older than I am (like 3 - 5 years age gap). Guess the age(maturity) does make a difference? I may be intimidated by their level of maturity and experience at times(which explains why I generally do not hang out with them) but I do learn a thing or two from them in the process. One quality that both these ladies have in common - honesty which suits me perfectly fine! Though I generally do not like to be criticized but I would definitely prefer if it's necessary, that one openly do it in front of me rather than going around complaining about how incompetent or slow I am. At least I know what to improvise on right?

Friends do realize that I am outspoken and too honest at times when it comes to the comments I make. That's the typical me! If u choose not to question or openly express your opinion, how would u ever know the answer then? And yet keep getting frustrated over the fact that things don't work out the way u want them to be.

sick dog

2010-09-05T12:06:00.004+08:00

I think homesick-ness strikes at the most random and unexpected moment ....

Especially when I'm not feeling well (currently down with a cold and bad cough) or when I am uber stressed out.

I want some piping hot homecooked porridge OR even be dragged to the doctor for some medication. Instead of the nursing myself back to health, I would rather wake up to prepared meals and concern family members. Or possibly some scolding at times for being so ignorant about my health with my paranoid dad of mine going :"Make sure u don't mix up your utensils with ours alright? I don't want any of your germs!"

*sobs*
Just gotta keep telling myself that 3 months will be over soon. For now, let's hope my dad doesn't take note of the change in my voice or my horrible cough when we skype later if not I will have some answering to do :(

And my "england" is slowly deteriorating. Time to pick up some books to brush em' up :)

Silly mistakes

2010-09-01T18:47:00.005+08:00

hehehehe ~~~~! Typing up this post while waiting for LLP to send me a doc ....

And so I realized today that it's alright after all to make mistakes no matter how silly they are. God knows how stupid and clumsy I can be at times ! :(
Anyway, enough with the insults, I made a fair bit of silly mistakes recently in my newly engaged activity. *sigh.... *

Yes ! Just last friday, I was busy complaining to my hsmates how disappointed I am in myself for being so silly/ absent-minded/ slow. Am I being a bit too hard on myself?
Perhaps ???!!! It's not illegal to have that teeny bit of confidence in the things u do or even expect a just a little bit more from yourself.

Maybe it did hit me on Sunday when I was at Mount Buller falling over and over again on my butt until it hurts. Only until then I realized that it's actually alright to fall though it hurts but each time I dragged myself up to make another attempt, I tend have a tad bit more confidence and determination.

And today, someone actually said to me:" I actually like the fact that u are so diligent in completing your task!" To which I answered:" even though I kept making silly mistakes?" and to which he answered: "That doesn't really matter. "
That seriously made my day ! LOL!

And it doesn't end there... Lunch came and someone treated me to lunch. Had a good talk with her to which I openly expressed my frustration last week. She said to me that it's actually alright to make mistakes because everyone do make mistakes. And mine is no huge matter as compared to some of the mistakes she's seen.

Hence, excess hyper-ness after lunch! :)

I really wish I could teleport myself back home at this very moment. I think my family needs me more than ever now since The maid left... :( Feeling really upset that I can't be with them to sort things out bit by bit and handle the meals and cleaning part. *sigh....* WHY????
Awfully disturbed by the fact that my dad has to tend to the household matters even after a whole days work. I was the one who was in charge of most of the work the last time the other maid ran away. And I am on the verge of going crazy just by worrying way too much.

Mt Buller

2010-08-30T14:24:00.017+08:00

So on a gorgeous Sunday morning at 5am, we left Melb city to Mt Buller.

Some random car that got buried under the snow. It must've been due to the snowfall from the night before.
the traffic jam

The Public area where we rented our gears and outfits. Group photo. Yilee took the latter one hence, she can't be found. That's the group I went with.
Can I just add that even though it's my first time(maybe not for the girl) meeting these people, they are one awesome and patient teachers as compared to an old acquaintance of mine that tried teaching me a specific sport a few years back but ended up ditching me to learn on my own.

I was pretty frustrated with the board as it was my first time k?

On the ski lift....

That's Daniel's peace sign on the right :(

I think this picture was taken right after I fell over :(
Evidence that I can't get up by myself.... hahaha! Blame it on the long legs.... Poor yilee had to drag me up a number of times.
Received assistance from Daniel :( Big Fat Failure

Yilee! Is that Daniel smiling behind me? I think it must've been quite fun to see me fall on my butt oh so many times... hahaha!Can't quite blame him!Roomie - the super fast learner *sigh...*and that's the super slow learner in purple in that picture on top.

Queuing up for the ski lift with roomie XD

I love the picture we took together. hahaha!
Yilee ah! Why la so pro even though it's your first time snowboarding? U make me look like a noob :(

Watch the pro at work! I fell one too many times until my bum seriously hurts and my arms are killing me as we speak. And even then, I still couldn't quite master the skill yet. I can't even get up myself without any assistance after falling over... LOL! It was that bad.

Last but not least, the beauty that we traveled in.... *referring to the car* Didn't quite had the opportunity to get behind the wheel as the female driver was far too awesome.

End of my awesome trip. Currently feeling like an old woman :( My arms hurt from lifting myself up too many times. I can't even lift them without wincing in pain :(

Sneak peek

2010-08-30T09:23:00.001+08:00

A sneak peek of my upcoming post! :)

压力

2010-08-27T22:25:00.003+08:00

心里现在真的好烦。。。。

但又能更谁发泄？　明明就是自己没多小心一点才会搞出问题。。。。

生气也是因为觉得自己太粗心大意了
可是偶尔我会觉得好累，　好想放弃一切，但情况就是没那么简单！

有时侯，我好想跟爸爸抱怨。不管我在这么精力也无发达到一般人的期望。心里不只感到愧疚，而且还会对自己感到特别失望。

真的很难受! 想哭但眼泪却不肯出来。。。只好苦苦地埋在心里

And I really feel like deactivating my Facebook like seriously.... Each time I feel like venting out on FB, I get plenty of unnecessary feedback and comments. It's not fun to actually continuously update or report to for that matter to an unresponsive block of wall. I don't have the patience to wait for the reply or even take the blame for not keeping up to date.... I've always been the one initiating and I've reached a point whereby I am really really tired. At times, I prefer to just turn to those that are around me that takes the initiative to ask :" How's the assignment coming along?" or even "Is it stressful every Wed and Fri?"

It's these little simple things that matter. They take the initiative to approach me and lend a listening ear or shoulder to lean on whenever I tilt over. In comparison to the others that demand their share of information and whenever I do actually take the effort to share my thoughts or update, I don't actually get a response !!! Not once or twice, mind you. After doing it for oh so-long, why would I so stupidly continue to do that when I have other things to worry about?

Anyway, I am stressed enough as it is to worry about all these. Going snow-boarding with roomie tmr @ Mt. Buller! Definitely need this to keep my spirits up and let loose for a bit :)

The beauty of trust

2010-08-24T22:19:00.000+08:00

Truly glad that he is slowly beginning to trust that I am perfectly capable of handling it....

Plus those I've been spending quite some time with are now more open and friendly in their gestures, hence, it makes my life so much easier....

I believe that if you have the ability to make someone's life easier, why not go ahead and lend them a helping hand? :)

Some people had the pleasure of my company for the past few days and one in specific expresses her delight each time by saying: " I am so happy to see u!" LOL!

I think our apartment is feeling a bit lonely during day time since 2 lights fused in a span of one week :( Talk about bad timing.

Btw, I think roomie is NOT getting enough sleep! Sleep more like me k? Ada masa then tidur lah ~~~~! :)

Grad

2010-08-22T21:42:00.000+08:00

Attended two of my friends graduation just this morning :)

Might I just say that they look really cool with that robe on... hahaha. *jealous*
But pretty soon it'll be my turn instead in say about 4 months time? :) and I shall have my very own celebrity moment !

Btw ppl, I want the grad dog + grad bear and flowers during my graduation k? *hint hint* :)

Today's event kinda made me realize how close my own graduation is... *gasp!* which also means I am then being force to go out into the workforce and start earning money like every other wage earner in this world and there is no turning back after that .... :(

*breathes *

Anyway, on to some better and more interesting stuff... Me and Miss Yilee spent quite some time attempting to make some pau.... :) It tasted yummy but could've been better ??? The wrapping part was tricky, hence we had quite a fair bit that looked like volcano (custard overflowing at the top)

BEFORE AFTER

btw, the following 2 pictures are not meant for public display watsoever. It is published solely for amusement purposes.... hahaha.

The "accountant" busy at work. Don't mind the calculator XD

And I made this today :)

I think that sense of belonging is finally slowly kicking in. Kinda glad that nowadays I have friends that actually have the courtesy to ask me whether I wanna partake in any upcoming events rather than the plain assumption that I will DEFINITELY turn them down. They always take the initiative to ask even though I might be busy sometimes. Unfortunately, i'll be leaving these 2 individuals behind in Melbourne when I return home at the end of this year. I wouldn't say that they are not returning home but they have another year to go in Melbourne before they officially graduate with a degree :)

Definitely feeling a bit more at ease and less uptight since I won't be caught off guard like I did beginning of this year when I found out that some close friends excluded me in an event that I really wanted to attend. Still feeling a tad bit disappointed that they didn't even bother to ask but it's the past anyway.
Life goes on.....